If you have watched Switched at Birth, there is this saying in the TV show saying, "Because that's the thing, the day before your life changes forever, its just like any other day." And it wasn't even the day before, it was the hours before. I went home to be there for my dads surgery and I just thought it would give me relief knowing that the tumor was out of him, the same feeling I got when my mom went into surgery to get her tumor out 4 years earlier. We woke up super early to get dad to LDS hospital and man I remember how uncomfortable the chairs were and how hungry I was. A lot of my aunts and my grandparents came and waiting with my mom and myself [brothers had to go to school]. Catching up, laughing, doing homework, and just making time pass. Then the doctor called mom in...Great... When mom was gone, it seemed like the world stopped and every second was a minute, a minute was an hour, etc. Mom came and I knew it was bad...She had be crying. She told everyone there and me that the cancer had spread and that my dad only had 4-6 years. I cried A LOT. I even saw my Grandpa Swain cry and I have never seen him cry or any man cry like my grandpa did that day. The worse part was that since dad would probably not remember much of our visit that day, we couldn't tell him, the doctor was waiting until the next day to break it to my dad. That was probably the hardest part, I couldn't let my feelings out. So I cried a lot in my moms, grandmas, and aunts arms before I could go see my dad. Then after spending all day in the hospital, we went to red robin [which kindof ended up being some sort of tradition with my family and my aunt jens] and again because my brothers or cousins didn't know I couldn't let my feelings out. Then the hardest thing I have probably ever done, was sit my brothers down with my mom and give them the news. It was hard because I am their older sister and I couldn't protect them from this and there was no way to help them or make it better.
So lets just say it was a sucky day last year. Well as this Valentines day approached, I anticipated it to suck because then it might not really suck. As I got to my first class, I couldn't focus. All I could think of was what went down last year, and what my dad is going to miss because last month we found out that the cancer spread more and he only has a couple months maybe a year. Then I get into my second class and look at my friend and I tell her I do not want to be there. So after our quiz we just left, I know you shouldn't just leave class but today I did not care. I already teared up in my first class and I knew I would have a break down in my second class. Lone behold I was right [luckily I was home]. My aunt put a status about it and I just lost it. I am the type of person that will hide my pain and sorrow so I made sure it didn't look like I was home. But Kelsey knows me too well and saw my car and came up to my room. I tried to hide the fact that I had been crying for about 20 minutes but thats the thing about crying...You can't really hide it. So she is all "Amanda I know you have been crying." Dang it got caught. So she got me out of my room and made me hot chocolate and we ate frosting. Definitely made my morning just a bit better. Then I posted this picture on facebook of my dad and I and how I love him..blah blah blah.. [you can look at the picture.] And then everyone is putting all these things like I am sorry and your family was in my prayers and it just made me cry more. Not really sad crying but kind of like a happyish cry knowing that I have a lot of caring people in my life. Then Ashley and I had this whole early evening plan [so that she could get surprised later by Jake..bwahaha we sneaky] of getting pizza and perks of being a wallflower. It was great to not think about what day it was and just watch a movie and eat amazing pizza. P.S. perks of being a wallflower is really good and interesting.
Then I found out my brothers surprised my mom with flowers at work! How sweet right? My dads idea. I love those boys so much! One thing I realized today as I have been comforted by my roommates, friends and family is that people are in our lives for a certain reason. Some are there for your whole life and some are only there for a bit but they are all in our lives to help us in some way. I don't know how in the world I would have gotten through the day without them. It was a hard day because not only all of this but I am also 250 miles away from my family. But with technology, I can skype, call, text, facebook etc as much as I desire. Sometimes life just sucks but there is quote I found was "Not everyday is going to be good but there is something good in every day." And that is so true. Yeah today sucked and I wanted it over before it started, yeah I cried way too much for a day, redid my makeup 3 times, but I had some laughs and smiles along the way. I had to laugh and save Ash and Jake from being stranded because Jake locked his keys in his car, I laughed at the movie and I smiled knowing that yeah my life got turned upside down a year ago today and news came that no one should ever have to hear, but its been a year and right now my dad is still here and I can still make some memories with him and my family that will last my lifetime. Some times its hard not to think that he will more in likely not be at my wedding, he wont see my kids grow up, he wont see how my brothers grow up, my future husband might not get to ask him for his permission to marry me, and so much more but we can still have some good laughs, lunch dates, family pictures, watching movies together and more. Its not the end yet, and that is something that has gotten me through this day and this year and a half. I love my daddy so much. <3
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