Some Memories Just Stick..

 I remember it like it was yesterday. Falling asleep for the first time not worrying of getting woken up with the news. I slept on couch cushions on the floor because we had no power and I was too scared to go down stairs. It was the one night I really thought you would still be there when I woke up. And that was the night Heavenly Father took you in his arms and said its time for you to go home. My fear became a reality, as I got woken up to auntie April and mom saying you are gone. Both checking to make sure the other wasn't crazy. I was praying you out of pain for weeks before this day, but nothing prepared me for it. That day was the longest day. People came, people wept, people cleaned, people fed us, and yet it was like it wasn't real.
  That day was six months ago today. Six months have passed without my dad. As some days are easier than others, it is still hard to fully wrap my head around. Its weird too because it has felt longer than just six months.
  In these past six months the song Drink a Beer by Luke Bryan gets me really thinking about my dad. The first verse says, "When I got the news today, I didn't know what to say, so I just hung up the phone, I took a walk to clear my head, and this is where the walking led, can't believe you are really gone, dont feel like going home." I feel this way, even when I just get reminded or bring it up. No one ever knows what to say, neither do I. I try to tell stories to keep him with me but than I feel that no one knows what to say to even a funny story because he is gone. And than I re-realize that he is gone.
  Another part of the song goes, "Funny how the good ones go, too soon but the good Lord knows, the reasons why I guess.Sometimes the greater plan is kinda hard to understand, right now it don't makes sense, I can't make it all make sense." This is something that really has helped these past months. That I do believe that there is a plan for each and every one of us and for some reason that I do not get and probably wont get for a long time, is that The Lord knows the reasons why. He had and still has a plan for my dad. That I am grateful for.
  My dad would probably smack me since I am comparing my feelings about his death to a country song.But he can't so I will just smile in knowing I know he would do that. No one can ever explain how it is when a parent dies. Everyone acts differently. So its one of those things that you cannot really learn from a classroom or a book, even if the world tries to teach us how to grieve, those people know nothing. I know that its a process that I will probably never get out of. Sometimes life is good and other times I am wishing he is here to answer my problems or to just talk to. Its hard to lose a parent. But I am grateful for the time I had with him, and I know that the time on Earth was not the end, that when I die I will be embraced by him and I will get to have those conversations once again.
  I started out in the world as daddy's little girl.

 And as life continued I just became a bigger daddy's girl

And it does not matter how long you are gone... I will always be your little girl. I miss you daddy! I hope you are proud and are watching over me and the family. Also, I hope you are playing darts like crazy with Kent. Love you Daddy Dork forever and always.

When you think you know everything...

  Last weekend I had to go home to go to the dentist and my lovely car had to go in and get its own maintenance done. Both my brother and I had to go home, and decided why not surprise our mom and come home Thursday night?! Well, since I was in no rush to get home, I took my sweet time to pack and finally get my butt out on the road. I saw that it was starting to snow but I did not think much of it. I have a four wheel drive vehicle, and I didn't think the storm was going to be as bad... I was wrong.
  Right before Beaver, Utah is when it started to get really bad. I started to get really scared. I would just follow behind people but sometimes they were just going too slow and I did not want to be behind them anymore. So I would pass them. Well there was one point in time, where I was alone on the road and I did not know where the road was going. The road was covered in snow, I could not see in front of me, the snow was coming like crazy and I had no clue where I was.
   As I was driving and kind of freaking out, I started thinking on how this experience is like life. There are times in our lives when we know where we are going, we see the road, or we have someone guiding us to the right direction. Than there are times where it gets rough and the road starts going away, and you decide you can do it on your own, so you do.
   Back to my story, after about 3 minutes of driving and leading the way, I realized that I was dumb to go in front of someone, cause I have no clue where I am going. I was worried that I would drive right off the road and not even know it. Than a truck came up and passed me, now I had someone to follow. Yeah they could have ran off the road and I would have followed them, but I just had faith that they knew where they were going. Same things happen in life, you realize that you have no idea how in the world you are going to continue on the road and wishing someone would come up in front of you to guide you. The guide we have is Jesus Christ. He is there to guide us back to the road. He is there to be the one to light the way for us. However, we have to ask for help. Once you realize that you cannot go about this on your own, He is right there behind us willing to come in front to guide.
  It took four and half hours to get home and surprise my mom. I now know that I should not think I know everything. That even though I have driven in a snow storm before, I shouldn't think its going to be the same. Also, that following a guide is not a bad thing. And that honestly, we can't do anything alone. When we are in that dark stormy road all alone, you feel that there will be no end to it, and you realize that you need someone to help you get out of it. Don't be too proud to ask for help. Don't think you know everything...cause guess what... you don't. But our guide, Christ, He does. Follow Him.

He will always help us up and guide us through the struggles of life. :) (one of my favorite pictures)