I Am A True Millennial, Are You?

Today in relief society, we were challenged to fill in the blanks of the following statements. I am a true millennial because... and I can overcome the world by... These two statements really hit me. There is a video that the LDS church has published about millennials. They first start off with what the world thinks millennials are. Then it brings up quotes from President Nelson of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles of what Heavenly Father knows who millennials are. What a big difference that is. As the world sees millennials, or anyone for that matter, more times than one, a self absorbed, negative, ungrateful generation. Heavenly Father on the other hand sees the generation He has been waiting to bring to this Earth, the millennials.
  I am a true millennial because I was put on this Earth at this moment for a reason that I have yet to fully know. For those who have seen Supernatural, think back to when you find out that Sam and Dean find out that they are the vessels for Michael the archangel and Lucifer and that they would have to fight to save the world. Now this goes on for about a season of them finding loopholes and figuring this whole thing out. In one part, they are told about how heaven made sure that Sam and Dean were born, down to making sure their parents met. It was even divine intervention that Sam and Deans parents met. Now think about that. We know that Heavenly Father has a plan for us. We have been told that since the beginning. Now that plan does not start when we take our first breath on this Earth. It has started long long before. To make sure we were put on this Earth and the time He needs us to be here. I believe that with all my heart and soul. I trust in my Heavenly Father that He does have a plan for each and every one of us. As millennials, there is a lot that is asked of us. We are asked to help prepare the world the second coming of the Lord. Also, we are asked to get an education, get married, have children, don't forget to have a career, house, dog, etc. It can be overwhelming to think about let alone figure out as you see how the world wants you to do this as well.
   Now for the second part of that statement. I can overcome the world by continuing to build my testimony and relationship with my Heavenly Father. Like I said earlier, He has a plan. Now yes we have our agency to do what we so please. However, why not go straight to the source when you are struggling, trying to figure out all those other things mentioned. School is stressful enough, so is dating that we wont even start with, figuring out what you want to be, and how in the world is the rest of my life going to play out if a, b, or c doesn't work out. Turn to the one that made the plan. He is there to guide us. I remember of a time when I asked for a priesthood blessing during a major trial in my life, and in the blessing I remember being told that I was given these trials to help shape me into the woman that the Lord needs me to become. That has stuck with me since. We are a block of clay being molded into who not only the Lords needs us to be, but who He KNOWS we can be. We only see a glimpse of who we are going to become.
    It gets frustrating not knowing whats next, trust me I know and you think of how other people your age are doing this or that and you question, why not me now? Trust me I have asked that question over and over. Yet always I am reminded on how Heavenly Father has a plan and his timing is everything. We are a generation that wants the answer now and I really think its because we are just so curious on what is there. We have a question, we can google it and get an answer. We are a curious generation. Now with those harder questions that haunt us, we cannot really google. That we have to turn to Him and be prepared for the answer that will come, on His timing. He has chosen us to be the millennials, not because we would the easiest with the technology He knew would be here, but because He knows that we are the generation that will prepare the world for a much bigger event. We are the generation that can do it. He has trusted us to this task. I am a true millennial ready to become the person He is preparing me to be, are you?

Unblock Post 3: Emotions.

    It has been awhile since I have posted. I am hoping to change that, since I have noticed that it helps to blog sometimes. Lately I have been thinking a lot about my dad and the last year of his life. As I am slowing working on "unblocking" I was realizing that, I have been blocking a lot that happened and what I felt about the whole situation. I also realized that I have been blocking a lot of emotion since because it is easier. I didn't really notice until I was watching the show, "Fuller House" and DJ (the oldest sister) talks to Stephanie (the middle sister) on how she has held in her emotions ever since their mother died when they were young. And it just hit me that in a way I was doing the same thing.
   Tonight I went to a fireside for my stake and the speaker was Christopher Williams. Now for those who do not know his story, to give you a very short version, a teenage drunk driver hit his car with most of his family in the car, and sadly four of his family members passed away. But the amazing part about his story, was that he from the moment of the accident he forgave the teenage driver and believed that Heavenly Father had a plan for everyone. One thing that really hit was forgiving. How important it is to forget and to just let it go. We have such a short time here on Earth and we should not waste it with hate and rage. It was an amazing talk and really opened my eyes to a lot.
   On the way home, my friend Alyssa asked me if I went through that forgiving process and similar situation when my dad passed away. I thought about it for a second and I was like, yes I did have to, a couple of times, and sometimes it still has to happen. The big one was having to forgive my dad for not going to the doctors for two years, when signs were showing for those two years and we have been told it would have been a different outcome if he would have gone to the doctors earlier. That was hard at first, then its the quote from the Lion King, "oh yes the past can hurt. But the way I see it you can either run from it or learn from it." The other time would be when he decided to stop treatment and decided quality of life was better the quantity. And sometimes that is still hard, because we were told on February 14, 2012 that dad would have 4-6 years with on and off chemo. Now its hard to see that because there is a chance that he would still be around today. Not be gone for almost four years. Its hard but once again, got to remember we can't change the past and the big one, that Heavenly Father has a plan for each and everyone of us. We may not understand why His plan involves people in our lives leaving early.

  That last month with my dad was hard. I haven't really talked much about it to a lot of people. I tried to hide it and started my blocking and hiding my emotions. You see on July 23, 2013 we were given 1-4 months. On July 25, 2013 hospice came into our home to explain how they work. That was the hardest thing. To learn about what was going to happen, how a nurse would come once a week at first to check on dad. That there was a purple paper on the fridge that was my dad's DNR (Do not resuscitate) information just in case we had to call 911 for something. There was a locked medical container in our fridge and that when dad was in a lot of pain, we  had to call hospice and they had to give us permission to open it to give him stronger pain medication. Or the day that my dad told me to call my mom to tell her it was his time to come home and I just sat hold his hand and he asked me to come in close and he said I love you to me for the last time. Then he just went down hill. He had a hard time speaking and saying words fully. He would want to sit up but couldn't hold himself up, so we would have to help him stay up. I think that was the hardest thing, physically, mentally and spiritually. Seeing dad struggle was hard and I felt like crying but I couldn't in front of him. Then I couldn't go to my room, because my grandparents were in the room. And I was sharing a room with my mom for the moment. So I remember one time I just went to my backyard and just cried. I don't crying in front of people for an emotional situation because then people get the "I am so sorry" face. Which I admit, I do the same, but when you are receiving the face you just want it to be over. If that makes sense. I think that was when I started blocking my feelings.

This is the last picture of us with dad. We were at dinner for Austin's 18th birthday.

   I remember about a month or two after my dad passed away, my roommates and I were at our guy friends house and I remember my roommate Danielle looked at me and said "if you ever want someone to talk to." and I remember telling her, "I wouldn't want to burden you, because no one should know what I went through." Or something along those lines. Not going to lie, I wanted to more than anything talk to someone but at the same time I didn't want to. Then today in Relief Society today our stake relief society president said how important it is to share emotions and to not bottle it in. Now trust me I have heard that before, but it didn't really hit me hard until today and that moment with Danielle came in my head. Once again, I cannot change the past, but I can learn from the past.
  Close to a year after my dad passed away, my cousin committed suicide. And trust me I was sad for this, especially when I realized the last time I saw him was I pretty sure was Christmas. However, I didn't grieve like I did when my dad died. Now still I do not know exactly why. Maybe it was because I already gained a strong testimony to Heavenly Fathers plan for everyone and that I knew Dannie was now with my dad. Or maybe it was with my block. That I am still figuring out. It wasn't until my grandpa and uncle passing away last May when I really noticed it. Again, I was sad that they both passed away and that my cousins, aunts, and uncle were now like me, with a dad here on the earth. So I don't know if  its because I had a different relationship with the three verses my dad. I know this is my psychology coming out wanting to get to the bottom of every emotion and reaction.

 All 19 of us together under one roof only happened twice. This picture will always be treasured.

  Grief is a funny thing. Everyone goes through it differently. However, it does effect us in so many ways. We have to learn to live life without that person. We have to continue living for that person. Yes there are times we miss them. Like I really miss my cousin Dannie and his jokes. Or that my grandpa would cheat at cards and make up his own rules (okay almost all of us Andersons cheat at cards one way or the other), my uncle asking me what there was to do in Utah, and most of all I miss my dad and him trying to embarrass us but really we just thought it was funny.

My last picture with my Grandpa Anderson. I had this feeling I needed this picture. I am so grateful for following that feeling.

 This is the last time I hung out with my uncle. It was a beautiful day of fun with the Andersons.

  Opening up about things in the past are never easy. It is hard and some of the memories are not always pleasant. But to hold it in, that does not help anyone. I have slowly let some out here and there, but so much has been locked in. A lot is hidden in because I don't want it to come out. I don't want to show emotion because I don't want to feel that loss again. That moment of seeing someone in their final moments of their life. Just waiting for Heavenly Father to call them home. Or for someone to come into your life and see them leave it just as fast. No one wants that however, realizing it, you got to let people in and show emotion. Because again, you got to live your life in happiness and continue. Just because you have had this trial doesn't mean you can block emotions and your life away. You have to continue and live this life as much as possible, because one thing that I have learned from this, is that you never know how long you have on this earth. Open up, let people in, have fun, make memories, and remember the Heavenly Father has a plan for each and everyone of us.

Unblock Post 2: Upside Down Block.

    Okay so like I said in the first post I was blocked from progressing in my Aerial silks class. That was I think my first unblock once I realized my blocks. Again to give some background, I have been taking this class since April. In this class, we start out with some yoga to stretch and warm up our bodies. Then we go to climb the silks. Oh my. Never realized how much your body really has to do! I am still building up my strength for that. Then we go to ground tricks. To start this, you have to go upside down. So you split the silks and double wrap your arms, then you go upside down. Sounds easy enough right? Then once you are upside down, you do some fun tricks. However, you first need to go upside down.
   My teacher had told me to just grab the silks with my toes and then push against the silks to get me upside down. I understood. Then I would go to do it, my foot would touch the silk, and then I would end up my feet back on the ground. Why? I kept asking myself. Why can't I do this? I am right there, so close and yet, I don't have it. Have you ever felt like that with anything? The struggle of knowing that you do have it, but you actually don't. Its very depressing and sometimes discouraging. What do you do when you don't know what to do? Do you just give up? Or do you keep trying? I decided to keep trying. One day, the class was just me and one other person. So I was able to really talk to my teacher and try other things so my body knew I could do it.
   The next week my other college roommate, Amber came with Danielle to class. And we had to share a silk because class was packed. We get to the ground tricks part of class and BAM I DID IT! Oh my WHAT? What changed from the other weeks to that week? Honestly, I have no idea. We joked that it was Amber. And honestly maybe a part of it was. that feeling that my friend was also on the same level as me and it was comforting. Other part is that I just didn't even think of it. Did not think of what I needed to do, what I have done in the past or anything. I just cleared my head a did it. Finally! I crushed the block I had and man did it feel good! I have now been able to progress in my class and man has it been fun!
  How many times are we so close to doing something and then we don't see that we can do it, so we quit? Or that we are stuck in the plateau and not progressing? Its pretty discouraging. You think, why bother? Why do I even try when I get the same results every time? Well, lets stop those thoughts. We have got to keep going and trying! Sometimes, it just takes you to say, I do believe I can do it! If we had a graph of our progression in life, it would not be just going up. There would be ups, downs, and plateaus. That is how we are. We need to remember that during those plateaus, we just need to keep pushing through. You will get to that uphill slope in time, that I promise. And when you do, its such an amazing experience as you continue and see the more you can do and be grateful for continuing on through the plateaus of life.

Unblock: Post 1

  One of my old roommates, Danielle, had told me she had been taking an aerial silks class that I should take as well. I said okay and went to class that next week. Oh man how fun that class is and how hard it is! I have enjoyed learning and improving every week. So for the first couple of months, I was slacking at climbing and going upside down to do tricks. I was getting so frustrated, and at moments, so was my teacher. With going upside down, you need to hook your foot with the silk and it will help you up. I would get my foot past the silk, touch but couldn't hook. Why?! Flip, I still don't know the reason why. My teacher then was telling me I had a mental block. I was like I believe it, however I do not know why. I was stuck not understanding why I couldn't do it. My foot knew what to do, but my mind was saying, nope not going to happen. This got me thinking, I am blocked in so many other ways.

   When I tell people I got my degree in Psychology, most are like oh know I better watch out so you don't psycho analyze me. I laugh and tell them I don't. The truth is though, do psycho analyze myself WAY TOO MUCH. I think of my actions and why it is and the events that lead up to it. Anyways, I realized that I have blocked myself in so many ways. So I was thinking, when had these blocks started. The major ones I mean, in all reality, we all block in times of our lives. Honestly, I started my major blocks, when my dad died. I thought I was okay and everything, but I was thinking about it, I am not the same person as before he died. Yes, it was a major life change and sad time in my life, but there is so much I used to do, that I don't do now, and haven't grown as much. I also think a lot of it was about not wanting to grow up really. Growing up means its time to get serious with everything and hard decisions to come. Nobody really wants to do that right?

   There have been a lot of blocks I have noticed that I put up in the last couple years. I really want to explain each one in detail. So it will be a couple posts of blocks and how I noticed them and how I am working on conquering them. These post might be just for myself, or maybe the reason I feel that this is important to share is to help someone else. I guess we will see. Stay tuned.

People Around? Why?

  Have you ever flown on a plane, been at a store, or on a train wondering why we are all in this one space at this time? I have, probably way too many times to count. A couple months ago, I flew alone to Oklahoma for a cousins wedding. I couldn't go with my family due to work, so I flew in the day of the wedding and was suppose to leave the next day. As I sat in my plane with my headphones on, I looked around at my fellow passengers. I was on my second plane of the morning. We were flying from Phoenix to Oklahoma City. I sat there and wondered, "Why in the world are all these people flying to Oklahoma?" Then it got me thinking, well actually some are flying to Oklahoma City as their final destination, others have it as a lay over to their destination. However, for that two and half hours or so, we were all within the same walls. Some of us spoke to each others, others (like me) tried to catch up on their sleep they missed by getting to the airport by 4:50 am. Here was my question, why did Heavenly Father put us all together? What influences could we possibly have on each other for the mer 2 1/2 hours we would be in each others lives?
  In the LDS church, we are taught that Heavenly Father has a plan for each and everyone of us. Yes all 7 billion people in the world have a personal plan created by our Father for our own growth. Now don't go thinking well "why did he plan this hard life for me?" or "I doubt he planned this for me." You can insert whatever you want in the "this." However, think back at that situation, how did it change you? How did the influence of that situation help you to be who you are today? Maybe that situation happened so you could meet someone or to help someone else out. We are put into peoples lives for a reason. There is a reason that we sit by a certain person on a plane. Even if you don't speak a word, Maybe its the way you act, or just your presence. There is a reason. A reason to grow, learn, and teach. He didn't make this life easy for us and thats okay. We are meant to come to this Earth to grow. We cannot grow if everything is just handed to us and that there is no pain.
   When we left the presence of our Heavenly Father, we left what we knew. We came to this Earth starting from square one. He didn't leave us totally empty handed saying just good luck. He strategically put people in our lives to guide us in the path He has planned for us. He has given us the opportunties to learn from each other, even from those who have come before us. We just need to look for it. We have to have our eyes open.
    So here is my challenge to you. Next time you are in a crowded place, look around maybe try to find the reason behind why you are in the same area as the people around. Or maybe at your work, school, church, etc. Ask the question, what can I learn from the influences around me? Why? I definitely believe, if you open your eyes to see, you will learn something from the complete strangers that surround you. You never know, maybe they wont be strangers for long.

How Becoming an EFY Counselor Shaped My Life.

When seeing the new counselor recruitment video for EFY (that will be shown to the public soon), it got me thinking about my time as a counselor. I heard of becoming a counselor from my roommate, Ashley. I had never gone to EFY but I thought it would be fun. Did I know at the time that it would seriously be life changing and that this job would help me in so many ways, I cannot possibly name every single one of them.. Nope I did not. My first summer was fun. It was a little confusing to get the swing of things, however it was amazing. I only worked about three weeks my first summer. The memories of my first girls starving because I thought that we needed to go together to dinner. To working a stay at home session, where I even ran into my first seminary teacher who remembered me. I wanted to do it again. I got all excited about it all year.

My first group that started it all.

 My second group.

 We had a secret counselor thing this week, and this is how I reviled myself.

 My co's for my last week that summer.

When I got the email saying I was working that next summer, I was so excited and yet I was conflicted. In my personal life, that was when my dad was getting worse and now I know, it would be his last summer. I didn’t know what to do. After praying and praying and praying some more, I felt that I needed to go. It was five weeks in a row out of state, then one here in the state of Utah. Everytime I was about to bail, I kept getting the feeling that I needed to go. How could I leave with the chance of never seeing my dad again? How would I know he would be okay? Was I being selfish to wanting to have a good summer experience while at home life was crashing? So many questions went through my head. I had a meltdown the day I had to leave. I had an alone moment with my dad and I just lost it. He kept telling me he would be right here when I got back. (He was there when I came back. He even came to the airport to pick me up) And I knew I needed to go there was a reason I didn't know at that moment, but I knew I would find out. That day at the airport I looked around at my co-workers wondering if they could tell I was just bailing. Wondering what its going to be like to work with them this summer.  Slowly, I started becoming friends with them.Started creating lasting memories and lasting friendships. From walking around flagstaff, and trying to have panda express to the beach and freebirds/the habit. Those friends also helped me through one of the hardest trials that I have gone through so far in this lifetime. They helped by their example, them listening, and sharing their testimonies. And I can't thank them enough for that. And to this day we are still great friends no matter the distance.

This is Andres and we were so excited to see the ocean!

 Naps are essential for counselors no matter where or when. If you can get a nap... TAKE IT!

 Meet Bonnie. Probably one of the coolest people I know.

 We get to do some awesome things on the weekend. Like hang out with Starfish.

 Learned how to give a buzz cut!

Counselors get to go to the beach :) if you go to Santa Barbara.

 Our chill out spot.

  Not only was it the friends that I made that helped me, it was my wonderful kids. Every week I got to meet a new set of kids each week. As I got to get to know them and teach them, honestly they taught me more than they will ever really know. That summer, we talked a lot about the plan of salvation and about trials. Each week my personal testimony grew and with that, I was comforted for what was coming at the end of that summer. I know those kids that I met, were suppose to come into my life, at that time, for a reason. The Lord definitely knows who and what we need and when we need it. He knew what was going to happen the end of that summer, He knew what I needed that summer. He knew that my little brother Riley needed that alone time with my father. He knew that it would have been one of the hardest decisions of my life and I would choose it all over again. 

Some of my fun groups that summer!

  The next summer was just as amazing. So much memories and again the testimony builder that summer was. Watching kids that did not know each other, to becoming friends by the end of the week. Witnessing a boy decide that he is going to service a LDS mission and is now serving that mission. Seeing kids from the past year once again and seeing them continuing to grow. I had a girl who had also lost her father that year in my group. Honestly, that showed me how much our Father in Heaven really knows when we need each other. I got to talk with this girl and really talk with someone who also lost her father. Another tragedy happened in my family that summer, I got the call from my mom that my cousin had passed away. I was at a session in Provo and it was spiritual thursday. The kids I had that week said some amazing things that I needed to hear and be comforted. To top off they didn't even know about my phone call until the next day. I received a blessing that night from my co-counselor and one line from that blessing has stuck with me to this day, "Heavenly Father has given you these trials to help shape you into the woman that He needs you to be." I am reminded of that when hard times come.

We get to see temples on our way to adventure the new!

 Suspenders are in at EFY.

 Bubble bubble gum in a dish, how many pieces do you wish?

  The three summers of being an EFY counselor helped shape me into the woman I am today and continues to influence my life. I am so glad that my roommate Ashley talked to me about being a counselor. EFY has helped me in so many ways that I could not all list. I love the friendships I made, I love seeing my kids grow as I keep up with them through facebook, and I love the testimony I gained about the Gospel through my experiences at EFY. As you are thinking of what to do for the summer, and you need a job. Seriously, look into becoming an EFY counselor. You will not regret it. You get to travel, dance, teach, and meet some of the coolest people. Go to efy.byu.edu/counselor for more information. It will be one of the best decisions you will ever make.

Life-long friends!

 Sweet girls.

 Color pants friday is a must. ;)

Who Knew the Best Gift in Life Came With Four Legs and WHOLE LOT Of Fur.

  I did not do much this weekend. There was a moment on Saturday night that I want to share. So I put on a movie because I felt like I couldn't go to sleep so early on a saturday night. Then who better to watch with was my dog, Roki. She came up next to me on my bed, and just put her head on my chest and watched the movie with me. Honestly, its the best part of my night when she comes up and is ready to cuddle and go to bed. She just knows when I need her or need a distraction. She makes me laugh, and yes can drive me crazy sometimes but man do I love her.

  Roki is about a year and half old dog. She is an akita lab mix. So yes she is a big dog that sheds...   A LOT. But I wouldn't change anything. Now let me tell you a little back story about Roki. She was born in August of 2014. Her mom is my cousin M'Lee's dog. I didn't think of much when she had the puppies. We already at two dogs in the house and so honestly a puppy wasn't thought of. Well the first weekend of October my aunt Suzette was over (who is M'Lee's mom) and she was talking about the puppies. We learned something about the puppies that changed our thoughts and would change our lives. We learned the puppies were a mix of Lab and Akita. Now another back story, my dad, who passed away in August of 2013, wanted an Akita so badly but never got the chance to have one as a pet. Once we thought about it, we had to have one. We knew that if dad was alive we would have gotten a puppy no matter what. When we decide on wanting one, my aunt tells us that all the puppies are called for. What? Nooo! We were sad to hear this because now we were all puppy hungry. Luckily, a little while later, we find out that two people have backed out and we had a choice between a boy or a girl. We chose the girl. A week or so later, she became part of our family.

   Roki is a nickname for her actual name. Her real name is Rock Me Amadeus. Now laugh if you must but once again there is a reason. My father always joked about naming my youngest brother Rock Me Amadeus. Then it became a big joke and we know thats exactly what he would have named her if he was still here. So we do call her Roki (Rockie) and yes we had to spell it funky, because why not right?!

  Now you know how we got her. Now to explain how she changed me. First, I did not like our dogs too much. Whitney was a sweet dog, however she did not like a whole lot of new people, and so that got frustrating at times. Zoey can be a good dog at times, however she barks at everything which is frustrating as well. I loved them dont get me wrong, these little features just bugged me. Once Roki joined it changed. I saw more than just the annoying features and enjoyed having the dogs around. Second, I just felt bitter about almost everything. I honestly don't know what it was. I guess some of it could be that at the moment I didn't have a job, I was suppose to be able to get a job with my so called bachelors but nothing was coming. Then I was sad that I was done with school and actually had to join the real world. Then this little dog came into my life, and things changed. I just had a better feel of life. I can't really explain it. That moment I come home and see the excitement on her face that your back is the best thing. Third, she teaches me more things about one day being a mom. How consistency is important, how she isn't going to be exactly what I want at times, she needs consistent attention, and also she needs a consistent bedtime. Yes she needs to be in bed by a certain time or if not she is up for hours.

 The coolest part is that we have the one pup who looks and acts the most Akita out of all her siblings. Which I think is definitely not a coincidence. She has the cute ears, curled tail, and the mannerisms like acting like a cat, must have anything in her mouth at all times, and so loyal.

  I honestly know that Roki was meant to be my dog. And she has taught me so much in this year and a half that I can't possibly write all of it or explain all of it. Now you might think I am crazy for saying this about my dog. I would say maybe it was not a dog for you that changed you. It might be a child, or an experience that made you realize so much about life. For me it was my dog. I am excited what the next years will bring with her and more life lessons I will learn from her. Now for some it might be a dog, others another experience but whatever it may be I hope its helped you the way Roki has helped me.

Roki is by far one of the best gifts that has come into my life. We are both learning and growing together everyday. I owe so much to her and I get a lot more years to repay her. I thank my Heavenly Father for bring this blessing into my life. He knew what I needed and who I needed. He is pretty awesome like that.

Change Does Come... It Just Takes Time

  When you know you need a change in your life, does it happen right away? Sometimes yes but most of the time no. You either need to find that change, or work to change. Either way most change does not happen over night. Which that can suck. You get impatient, or discouraged, or frustrated on finding that change. All of that definitely what happened to me this past little while and I would like to share.
  So a couple months ago, I felt the need that it was my time to leave my job. It was definitely a hard decision because I loved the girls I worked with. I wanted to be there for all of them, however, if I did that, I would never leave. Also, I had this feeling that they too needed someone new. A new point of view, a new person to get to know, and a new perspective. So I started the thing everyone loves to do... search for a new job. Not. haha. Anyways, that process was long and hard. I would get a call here or there and maybe an interview, but nothing more. Then I got offered a job! Woohoo. But even at the interview, I knew it wasn't the job for me... So back to the drawing board. Tried to be a reciptionist for a moment, yep not for me either. So then I was getting frustrated. This was a couple month process of not finding what I want. I was still with my old job, but I was then bringing my frustration to work which was not okay.
    Then I went to the temple. I had this thought, apply for three more jobs. I thought about it and was like oh yeah I can do that. Three more. I got this. So I went home and got online and applied for three more jobs. Two days later, I got called for an interview. That next monday I got the job. I was so excited and nervous. The job was new territory for me and some of it would take me out of my comfort zone. But I felt that it was a good place to be. So I accepted. Well jump two weeks later, I start this new job and guess what... I got a call from another job (another one of the three), and after talking to my mom, I decide why not go to the interview. I go in and I was completely myself. I wasn't trying to sell myself, lie to get them to choose me, or whatever. I went in thinking I have a good job, yes this is a better job, but be myself and see what happens. Now jump two weeks more aka last thursday. I got a call.... I GOT THE JOB! What the?! Are you kidding me? This job can be the start to my career. I am still in shock.

  Going through this time, I have had to learn a lot about patience and trusting in the Lord. I could have taken two other jobs, that I was not into at all and probably still be in the struggle of figuring out what I wanted. There were moments when my patience was getting to its last straw. I kept praying and wondering what was the Lord thinking? What was His plan? Why isn't letting any of these jobs work out? I was so confused and was wondering when was it going to work out? And honestly, I do think I needed my first new job before this new new job. Being able to feel to be completely myself, having to work with them for an interview time, and having to call back when missing their calls. Its so strange how it all works out and how it does. I keep thinking what if I accepted one of those jobs I felt that werent for me. Would I still be feeling this way or what? Probably not. I am so grateful for the opportunities I have been given.

   Oh and to add on I got a new calling in church. So this month is already starting to be a month of new things in my life and its only November first?! WHAT? There is still 29 more days, so who knows what else will come about. But know this, that I promise you, that God has a plan for each and everyone of us. His plan is awesome and personal. We follow the plan, and we will have happiness. Pray and find our your plan. You might have to wait a couple of months to find out, but I promise, He knows what He is doing.

"Its Because You're Mormon isn't it?"

  When people ask if I drink alcohol, tea, or coffee, I tell them no. The next comment, if they know my religion, is "Oh its because you're Mormon isn't it?" or "Oh yeah you're Mormon." Yes I am Mormon but truth be told I HATE that comment. Let me explain more.
   I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. In the Doctrine and Covenants, we are given the word of wisdom. This part of the scriptures, talk about how alcohol, tea, coffee, tobacco, and etc. is to not be consumed. It also talks about how to have a healthy lifestyle and to treat our body as a temple. Prophets have encouraged us to not partake in these substances and we cannot partake of these substances to have a temple recommend. Also, who else encourages us not to partake in these substances... Doctors, research, history, and etc. More than one person has mentioned over years how bad it is for your body. We only get one body and one lifetime on this earth... Why ruin it?
   The one thing I absolutely love about my Church is that we are encouraged to follow these guidelines for us and that we are to pray and ask our Heavenly Father for conformation about whatever is asked from us. I love that because I have the agency to follow or not. I have the choice to want to be worthy to enter into the Temple. Also, with having a mother who is a member and a father was a non-member, I really did have a choice. My dad supported our choice to go to church, but if we ever said we hated it or that we did not want to partake in baptism or wanting to stop going, he would support that as well. So it was really up to me to decide what and how I wanted to live my life.
   I chose to listen to what the prophets have asked from us. It was my choice not anyone elses. Its not just because I am Mormon. It is because I do not want to put those substances in my body. Really for multiple reasons. One honestly, I think that each one of them smell horrible. Two I have some genetics that these substances would just make worse. Both of my parents had cancer (yes it sucks), so guess who has the likelihood of getting cancer... Yep you got it, its me. Also, fun little fact, the cancers my parents had are more likely to happen to me with every bit of alcohol that enters into my body. So needless to say that is another MAJOR reason I say no way. I already have high chances, I don't need them higher. Three have you seen the prices of alcohol,tobacco and coffee? Really do you know how much you could buy if you don't spend that money on alcohol or tobacco or coffee. Sorry I really enjoy my shopping and would much rather spend my money on shoes or clothes. Four doctors have done research for years about how its bad for your body. I am pretty sure doctors know exactly what they are talking about, hence their experience and schooling. Five a Prophet of God has asked for these substances to not be consumed by us. The Prophet is Heavenly Father's mortal spokesman. What he says is what Heavenly Father wants us to hear. So its God that has asked us to not consume these things.
   So no its not because I am Mormon. I choose to not consume these substances because I want to smell good, I do not want to up my chances for cancer or any other disease, I like spending my money on shopping, doctors know what they are talking about, and because we were asked by the Prophet to not do so. I know that me being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints has influenced me to choose this, but it was MY CHOICE. So next time you are in a situation and a person says no to whatever it is, please don't say "Oh its just because you're Mormon." Just say Okay and accept the fact that the person does not partake in it. This goes for anything, not just the addictive substances. Remember we aren't just our Religion. We all were given the agency to choose what we do and don't do. What are you going to choose?

Challenge: Go to the Temple Everyday for One Week.

  When life gets hard what should we do? That was the question I had and have had for awhile now. Being out of college and in the real world is hard. The decisions that you have to make, the bills, and responsibility. Well a lot of that has been really eating at me and I was stressing and really needing to really think on what I want to do with my life. What am I doing to progress in life? What should be my next step? How am I going to get there? Do I really want to go through the stress of graduate school? What if this or what if that. Yes lets just say its been a little stressful. For me when I am stressing or need a place to go, I head to the temple. I go to whatever temple is closest to where I am, and I go and really think about my questions, concerns, fears, goals, and its a place I can sit on the grass outside, sit in my car, or go in and no matter what I feel the exact same... Peace. As I sit wherever on the temple grounds, I feel the peace and able to pray to my Heavenly Father and ask Him what I can do and tell him my thoughts and my fears. Its a place where the worldly little things to do not distract me and a place where I do not have to worry about judgement, being perfect, or being different. The temple is my favorite place so I made a challenge to myself. Go on temple grounds for everyday for one week.
   How this started was that monday is when all my questions really got to me. So I went and got some food, and ate lunch on the grass in front of the Draper Utah Temple. I sat and looked to the temple and was questioning what needs to happen in my life. And I just felt this peace all around me and knowing that my Heavenly Father is there for me. Also, I looked around the temple. Now the temple is on a hill right next to the mountains. I saw the leaves have already started to change colors. That just made me stop and think about how sometimes life needs to go on. The seasons change and so do we. Life always needs to be changing and sometimes things work right for a little while and then it is time to move on. Monday though I knew I needed to go inside the temple and do the Lords work. However, it being closed on mondays, I texted my friend Alyssa and made plans to go tuesday.
  Tuesday I met Alyssa at the Bountiful Temple. This was fun because we haven't hung out in awhile and also neither of us have been in the Bountiful Temple. As we were in the temple, when we were all done, we still just sat there to think. And as I once again prayed and thought about my struggles and questions, I was wondering, what if I go to the temple everyday? Also, I wanted to be brave and go by myself. Not for the fact that I don't like company but to prove to myself I can go alone. That when I need to go, I dont have to wait to see when others are free to also go, but that I can hop in my car and go.
   Wednesday I had all planned to go by myself. Then that morning I was asked to go with the girls I work with during my shift. I was like ummm... YES! Then I don't have to go alone, I get to go with my girls, and I get to go while I am on shift. Legit right?! As I walked in with the girls and branch presidency it felt so good. I see these girls everyday and they have gone through some hard things. To watch them do the Lords work, to be able to have a recommend to go in. It was amazing. After I even talked to them in the car on how much I love to see that they are able to go and that how forgiving and caring our Heavenly Father really is. Sometimes we make mistakes, the world gets the best of us, sometimes we stray a little from the path, but no matter what Heavenly Father is willing to forgive and help us to get back to the path.
  Thursday I was determined. I was going to walk into the temple and go by myself. I did not make excuses and went straight from my morning shift to the Jordan River Utah Temple. Once I walked into the temple, I knew I was doing what I needed to be doing that morning. And as it turned out they needed my help with sometime and the workers were happy to be there. It was a warming feeling and I felt like I could do anything. This in itself helped me to realize that I can do anything I set my mind to. I felt this sort of confidence that I have not felt for awhile. Also, a feeling of I am able to go whenever I want and I can walk into the temple alone, but I will never be alone. Others walk inside as well, and the workers are always there.

  Friday I continued and felt to go back to Jordan River. As I walked up, I walked past a couple of different people and we said hi and to have a nice day. Just that comfort of people saying hi and smiling just makes your day so much better. Once again as I just felt so at home. The day just went by better and so did the weekend. It was a perfect way to get ready for my weekend. Also, by the end of this trip to the temple, I felt ready to continue figuring out what is next to come in life and that my stress that started at this week, is now gone. Is all my questions answered? Nope not yet and that is okay for the fact that I did get some answers and guidance to what needs to be next for me.

   I want to make this challenge to people reading. For one week go to the temple everyday. Go in, sit on the grass, go inside, whatever it may be. Go there and really go with a question or concern. See what is to come. Your week will go so much better. Also, see how much that it can become a struggle to go daily for the week. You start getting the thoughts that well you already went yesterday, or you really would like a nap, etc. DONT FALL FOR IT! Once you commit to the challenge, do it and finish it! Don't let Satan stray you from going to the temple. Life gets hard but if you take the time to do the Lords work and be there, I promise it will make your life a little easier. We weren't put on this world to have a hard life. We were put on this life to enjoy it, to learn and grow and to one day go back to our Heavenly Father and say I did the best I could and when I needed help you were there for all of it the good and the bad. Thank you for never turning back on me.

Sometimes You Get Rocks In Your Shoe

  I started a new job about a month ago and it has been pretty interesting for me. As we were in a staff meeting we were asked to go outside and pick up five rocks. Once we all had our five rocks, we went on a walk and as the walk went on randomly we would be asked to put one of the rocks in our left shoe. Also during this time we were given candy so that we would not think of the rocks. This went on until all five rocks were in our left shoe. I felt I had it lucky because I was wearing boots that day and I just drop the rock at the top of my boot and it did not really bug me. Others were wearing flats, or vans of some sorts which were a lot harder to stick all those rocks in. The candy did not help them as much to forget the rocks. This got me thinking about gratitude during trials. Every one of us go through trials, some big and some small but its how we go through those times and our attitude make all the difference.
   For a moment back to the rocks, see I did not think it was that big of a struggle but for others it was beyond difficult and almost impossible. This is the same for us, we may not have a big struggle for what we are going through and that can be for a lot of reasons and others it may seem like the end of the world. Here is the thing though I would not trade my struggles and trials for anything and I bet neither would any of you.
   Look at the struggles you have had to go through, have you noticed the "candy" (struggles) that has come because of it? There are reasons that you have your trials and others have theirs. A lot of the reason why you have your trials is to learn from it and notice the positives of the trial. I know for me that is honestly how I have been able to get through my trials is to really see the positive and blessings from the struggle. Even when both my shoes are filled with rocks at times, I am still grateful that I have shoes on my feet and that I decided to wear boots that day to hold the rocks better. Every situation has some sort of positive outlook in life. And when you find that sense of gratitude and positivity your rocks will be
spaced out like in my boots rather than squished in a tiny shoe.

Which shoe do you put  your rocks in?

 

Why I Go To Church

  I was overhearing a conversation the other day that really struck me. People were complaining/saying about what annoyed them about church. They were talking about the little things that they wish people did not do, how the schedule worked, what they wish would change, or how they may not "learn" as much. This made me very upset to hear all of this.The topics may not be perfect but why have a 20 minute argument/conversation about it? During the whole time, no one talked about the good of church, the reasons they go, or what they had learned. They mostly just talked about negative little things that honestly shouldn't matter. The negative is not why we go to church, so why is that the topic of discussion and not the positive?
   I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and have been for my whole life. I spend every Sunday at church for three hours. In those three hours, I learn more and more every week. I go to not only learn more but to have my questions be answered, to be comforted, to feel my Saviors love, and to just know that I am not alone.Those three hours are precious to me. Sometimes yeah it is hard to go because of multiple, worldly reasons but those are the days I need to go more than ever. For example, a couple weeks ago, I had to go to church alone. Which if anyone knows me I hate going to the store alone, let alone church. But I knew that is where I needed to be. So I went. Seriously, it was one of the best Sundays. Great lessons, and I got to know on of the women I now visit teach. I sat with her in one of our meetings and really got to know her and learned a lot from her. She gave light to a day that was hard for me. That could have only happened at church on that day.
    My point is that we should not focus on the negative. When we focus on the negative we miss the positive or something we are suppose to hear. This world is all about the negative. The media focuses on the negative, what people have done, why the world is corrupt or sucks, what went wrong, etc. On Sundays we should not think or worry about that within the walls of a church building.
   Lets stop worrying about the negative or what doesn't work for us, lets start thinking positive and just know that we cannot control everything. Think about it, if everyone in the world just stayed positive how much everything would change? Think of the good that comes from being positive and the more happiness that comes along with it. So here is a challenge to everyone, lets start being more positive, and worry less about things we cannot control. When you start thinking negatively, change it. Think of something positive or uplifting. Yeah we cannot control a lot that goes on around us but we can control on how we think and act.

We met for a reason

   I really love how the Lord puts people in our lives for a reason. As most of you know, I am an EFY counselor this summer. This week I am in San Diego and man has it been a blast. Every Monday I look out to my new youth and think, they are with me for a reason and it is my job to find the reason and make sure they feel the love of the Savior. It was definitely hard at first to get this group going, but oh man once they got going they went above and beyond.
   My kids definitely made my week interesting. They were hilarious and oh man did they know how to ask questions. Now looking back on the week, I see how much they have taught me and made me realize that being 14-15 years old is difficult now. I was their age only 7 ish years ago which is really not that long ago, but man the world has changed so much since then and these kids have more temptations now then ever. They are all so amazing.
   I loved answering their questions and helping them gain a testimony of the Gospel. I loved getting to know them. They made me realize that in the real world, life is not all the same for them. Life is hard for these kids. I just hope that they remember what it was like this week, all of it, even the times when they wouldn't be as quiet as I would like. Because if they remember it, maybe life wont be as hard for them. That life may be a little easier to get through if they remember what it was like here, and what it is like to be doing the small and simple things (aka read scriptures, pray, following the standards, etc.) that make a difference.
    Heavenly Father has a plan for everyone. He takes the time to make sure that we meet the people we need to meet, that we go where we are needed, and that even if we go off the path, He makes a new path for us to get back to the right path. This week I have seen that these kids were meant to come into my life. They helped me realize what I personally need to work on and helped me find some strengths I really did not think I had.
   I am so grateful for them and the chance I got to be their counselor. :) I cant wait to see what they do with the knowledge they have.

Forever Forgiveness :) EFY San Diego 2014

My First Day Back

  I cannot believe it is already summer. It is crazy that it has been nine months since august. Now it is time for.... EFY ONCE AGAIN! Yay!!! I got rehired to do another fantastic year of EFY. For those of you who do not know, EFY stands for Especially for Youth. This is a church camp through BYU that helps teens gain knowledge and understanding of the gospel. It follows the standards and is known as a church camp for The Church Of Jesus Christ Of Latter-Day Saints. I love this camp so much and I am so excited I get another opportunity to work it. I am going to try really hard to blog and share my adventures throughout this summer because there are always some fun stories to be told.
  Today was Day One! This is the first session of the summer and I get to work it!! WOOHOO! This year is a little different when it comes to training. So for all returning counselors we had a three day training last week, and for new counselors they have a week long training and then they "shadow" a returning counselor. Pressure much?! So I have three shadows this week and they are great. I can already tell they are going to be great at this job. It is definitely a little scary knowing people are watching you, but it all works out.
  My girls are fantastic! I have 10 girls this week and I already love them. They are crazy, fun, super talented, and wonderful in every way! They are the older group which is always exciting to have. Lets get real just being a counselor to any age is always exciting. I am loving getting to know these girls. They have so much light and positive. And they put up with my rambling. Lets just say in meet your counselor I could not keep my thoughts straight. Luckily they love me, still got what I was saying, and just make fun of me about it now. I cannot wait to see what the rest of the week brings!
  My company is once again awesome. I am in a trio which means there are two girl counselor groups and one boy counselor group. Can't forget my amazing co-counselors who definitely know what to say. Love them too already. The other girls and boys are fantastic as well. It is so cool to see how there are these 35 kids who all are different in some way and yet come together and become friends. Our company name is "Remember the Name" which is pretty legit I must say.
   This day was great. Played lots of games with our kids. They already seem so comfortable with each other which is awesome because the faster they become comfortable, the more they will get out of this week. We made some amazing goals for the company for this week. I decided I am going to work really hard at reminding them of the goals and for me to work on these goals as well. I cannot wait to see what the rest of this week will bring. :) Its summer, I am working the best job, I love being with the kids, and I love my job! :)

Thoughts from a College Graduate

   It has been awhile since my last post... Well that is because I spent the last couple of months focusing and finishing up my LAST semester of college. Crazy I know but it is true and guess what? I made it! I am officially graduated from Southern Utah University with my Bachelors of Science in Psychology. It is still so surreal to me.
   My graduation day was super crazy and none stop from 6 am to about 1 am. It was definitely one busy day. I woke up and being a girl wanted to curl my hair and look super cute. Well my hair did not want to work for me AT ALL! Now I know you are probably laughing but seriously it was really annoying and stressful. So fast forwarding to the first ceremony (yeah in college there are two you go to...) I walk in and the first thing I do is start searching for my family. Luckily they were on the same side as me and I was actually pretty close to them. During the ceremony my roommate texts me and tells me that they are all making funny faces at me and I do not even know it. I turn to see that two other people have been added to my little fan club. My aunt and uncle from California came up! I was in total shock. I was seriously on the verge of tears. My uncle is my dads brother and seeing him helped feel the gap of thought that my dad was not there. They seriously drove up for the ceremony and drove right back home. I am still in shock and love them so much for that. I later found out that my dad made my uncle promise to be at everything really important of ours. That made me cry and feel really grateful that he kept his promise because it seriously made my day.
   As I was sitting in my second ceremony, I realized that there were some things I wish I did at my two years at SUU. One was to get to know my professors better. I did not care to know them or go ask for help. Honestly, I did not really want to do anything but go to class and then go home as much as possible to be with my family. I know my situation is a little different with my dad but I could have done some of that this past year. As I got up to get my "diploma" (really just its place holder thing) my name was read and oh my freak my family was so loud! They even got some professors in shock. They were by far the loudest crowd! It was legit. It made my regrets go away and made me realize that no matter what my family will always be there. That will never change.
   It is weird to say I am a college graduate but I love the experience I had through the years. From Snow College to Southern Utah University I have had the best four years a girl could ask for. Do I wish I could have done more? Yeah there was somethings I wish I could have done but if that meant changing some memories then I wouldn't do it. I have had the most amazing roommates a girl could ask for, I have had some great opportunities, and I got to see what it was like living on my own. If I could give any advice to anyone about to go to college it would be, leave home to go to college and be involved. My roommates are now some of my best friends and when I did get involved so many doors opened for me and it made my college experience a better one. I have no clue what I am going to do without school but I am ready for a new adventure. :)

 No matter what life brought us, we stand together with a smile on our faces. There is no way I could have gotten through these years without my brothers and mom. Its because of them I got done in four years. And a promise to my daddy that I would finish. :) I did it!!!

My Aunt Sue and Uncle Tavy. Honestly, I cannot express how much this meant to me. They were seriously on the road more than they were in town and that is amazing to me that they would do that for me.

[There were a lot more family members who made the trek down for my graduation and there like 10 more pictures. So I just want to mention how much that too meant so much to me. I am truly the luckiest girl. I have a family that supports me, even if they could not come I felt the love from them, comments on facebook, and just knowing that they cared. I love them and thank every single member of my family for everything.)

Let's Build A Fort

  Yes I am in college, yes I am 22, and yes my roommates & I built a fort in our living room this past weekend. It is not your typical fort either. We call it a big kid fort because the blankets are tacked up to our walls and ceiling and covers our entire living (that is not that difficult). It was so much fun! It was like going back in time and being a kid again. Now your question is probably why? Well let me tell you...
  So this all started a week ago at church. So I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and we have three hours of meeting, every Sunday (honestly, its not that bad). One of our meetings is called Sacrament Meeting. This is where we all get together and have about 3-4 speakers talk about a certain topic and we take the sacrament. Well last week one of the speakers talked about a story in the Book of Mormon (Haven't heard of it? Read it. You can't judge a book or a group by the cover. I highly recommend reading it. Its the best book.). The story is about King Benjamin. Now to give a little back story, the Book of Mormon gives accounts of the people in the Americas in the time before and when Christ was on the Earth and this is one of the King's who was also a Prophet. Anyways, he was giving a sermon to his people and in the scriptures it talked about how you need to build a tent in order to listen to the prophet. After the speaker told the story, he mentions on how he knows a family that builds a little tent in front of the television for general conference. (General Conference happens twice a year and it is when the leaders of the church speak to all the members. You can watch it on tv, internet, listen on the radio, or go to it.) So my roommates and I decided we wanted to build a fort and follow the message of King Benjamin.
 Well this past weekend was conference. It was seriously the best idea ever! I have never focused as much or gotten so much out of conference. I was able to "leave" the world and focus on what the leaders had to say. I loved it. Conference is six sessions long and each session is about 2 hours long. Four of the sessions are general session, then there is one for the men and one for the women. So in a course of one weekend there is about 10 hours (not in a row) of church. Now that sounds like a lot but seriously it goes by so fast and you are sad when it is over.
  So many of the talks hit home for me. It was like the speakers were talking to just me. It amazes me every time because if you ask anyone who watches conference, they would say the same thing. A lot talked about trials and how they are suppose to be a part of our lives and how we best can get through them. One talk really hit me was Dieter F. Uchtdorf's talk. He is an apostle for the church and the second counselor in the first presidency. He talked about how we need to be grateful for our trials and that having gratitude is a way to get through a trial. It made me realize that he was right. It is so much easier if we are just grateful. When we become bitter and alone we do not see the joy of life, we think the world is coming to an end, and that our Heavenly Father doesn't care. Well that is when we are wrong. The world is not coming to an end because of our situations and He does care. He cares so much that He gives us only things we can handle and He gives us people and ways of being able to get through that trial. Be grateful He loves you enough to push you and test you. Be grateful for the experiences you have and the time you have on this Earth. I believe and know we lived with Heavenly Father before Earth and once we die that we can go back to Him. Heavenly Father has a plan for us and in that plan there is no endings, only ever lasting beginnings. People move on from our lives and situations move on also, some people die, some move away but one thing is that none of it ends, it is only a new beginning. This time on Earth is not our only time to be alive, we will one day die and live with our Heavenly Father and see everyone that came before us again. The time on this Earth is short compared to Eternity.
  I can talk forever on what I learned in just this one weekend. My prayers and questions were answered by men and women who do not know me, but know my Heavenly Father. This weekend was amazing. Conference made it more amazing but even the moments in between and after were icing on the cake. The fort my roommates and I made is now one memory we will all cherish. Inviting others for breakfast before conference, being together, learning together and so much more. If you ever have questions or want to know more go to www.lds.org or www.mormon.org there you can find the talks of general conference and any answer to any question about the LDS church. I love my religion and wouldn't change it. It has helped me be able to deal with any trial and any struggle I have ever had. And I know it can do the same for you too. :)

Here are some pictures of our fort :) Its going to stay up for awhile!