I Am A True Millennial, Are You?

Today in relief society, we were challenged to fill in the blanks of the following statements. I am a true millennial because... and I can overcome the world by... These two statements really hit me. There is a video that the LDS church has published about millennials. They first start off with what the world thinks millennials are. Then it brings up quotes from President Nelson of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles of what Heavenly Father knows who millennials are. What a big difference that is. As the world sees millennials, or anyone for that matter, more times than one, a self absorbed, negative, ungrateful generation. Heavenly Father on the other hand sees the generation He has been waiting to bring to this Earth, the millennials.
  I am a true millennial because I was put on this Earth at this moment for a reason that I have yet to fully know. For those who have seen Supernatural, think back to when you find out that Sam and Dean find out that they are the vessels for Michael the archangel and Lucifer and that they would have to fight to save the world. Now this goes on for about a season of them finding loopholes and figuring this whole thing out. In one part, they are told about how heaven made sure that Sam and Dean were born, down to making sure their parents met. It was even divine intervention that Sam and Deans parents met. Now think about that. We know that Heavenly Father has a plan for us. We have been told that since the beginning. Now that plan does not start when we take our first breath on this Earth. It has started long long before. To make sure we were put on this Earth and the time He needs us to be here. I believe that with all my heart and soul. I trust in my Heavenly Father that He does have a plan for each and every one of us. As millennials, there is a lot that is asked of us. We are asked to help prepare the world the second coming of the Lord. Also, we are asked to get an education, get married, have children, don't forget to have a career, house, dog, etc. It can be overwhelming to think about let alone figure out as you see how the world wants you to do this as well.
   Now for the second part of that statement. I can overcome the world by continuing to build my testimony and relationship with my Heavenly Father. Like I said earlier, He has a plan. Now yes we have our agency to do what we so please. However, why not go straight to the source when you are struggling, trying to figure out all those other things mentioned. School is stressful enough, so is dating that we wont even start with, figuring out what you want to be, and how in the world is the rest of my life going to play out if a, b, or c doesn't work out. Turn to the one that made the plan. He is there to guide us. I remember of a time when I asked for a priesthood blessing during a major trial in my life, and in the blessing I remember being told that I was given these trials to help shape me into the woman that the Lord needs me to become. That has stuck with me since. We are a block of clay being molded into who not only the Lords needs us to be, but who He KNOWS we can be. We only see a glimpse of who we are going to become.
    It gets frustrating not knowing whats next, trust me I know and you think of how other people your age are doing this or that and you question, why not me now? Trust me I have asked that question over and over. Yet always I am reminded on how Heavenly Father has a plan and his timing is everything. We are a generation that wants the answer now and I really think its because we are just so curious on what is there. We have a question, we can google it and get an answer. We are a curious generation. Now with those harder questions that haunt us, we cannot really google. That we have to turn to Him and be prepared for the answer that will come, on His timing. He has chosen us to be the millennials, not because we would the easiest with the technology He knew would be here, but because He knows that we are the generation that will prepare the world for a much bigger event. We are the generation that can do it. He has trusted us to this task. I am a true millennial ready to become the person He is preparing me to be, are you?

Unblock Post 3: Emotions.

    It has been awhile since I have posted. I am hoping to change that, since I have noticed that it helps to blog sometimes. Lately I have been thinking a lot about my dad and the last year of his life. As I am slowing working on "unblocking" I was realizing that, I have been blocking a lot that happened and what I felt about the whole situation. I also realized that I have been blocking a lot of emotion since because it is easier. I didn't really notice until I was watching the show, "Fuller House" and DJ (the oldest sister) talks to Stephanie (the middle sister) on how she has held in her emotions ever since their mother died when they were young. And it just hit me that in a way I was doing the same thing.
   Tonight I went to a fireside for my stake and the speaker was Christopher Williams. Now for those who do not know his story, to give you a very short version, a teenage drunk driver hit his car with most of his family in the car, and sadly four of his family members passed away. But the amazing part about his story, was that he from the moment of the accident he forgave the teenage driver and believed that Heavenly Father had a plan for everyone. One thing that really hit was forgiving. How important it is to forget and to just let it go. We have such a short time here on Earth and we should not waste it with hate and rage. It was an amazing talk and really opened my eyes to a lot.
   On the way home, my friend Alyssa asked me if I went through that forgiving process and similar situation when my dad passed away. I thought about it for a second and I was like, yes I did have to, a couple of times, and sometimes it still has to happen. The big one was having to forgive my dad for not going to the doctors for two years, when signs were showing for those two years and we have been told it would have been a different outcome if he would have gone to the doctors earlier. That was hard at first, then its the quote from the Lion King, "oh yes the past can hurt. But the way I see it you can either run from it or learn from it." The other time would be when he decided to stop treatment and decided quality of life was better the quantity. And sometimes that is still hard, because we were told on February 14, 2012 that dad would have 4-6 years with on and off chemo. Now its hard to see that because there is a chance that he would still be around today. Not be gone for almost four years. Its hard but once again, got to remember we can't change the past and the big one, that Heavenly Father has a plan for each and everyone of us. We may not understand why His plan involves people in our lives leaving early.

  That last month with my dad was hard. I haven't really talked much about it to a lot of people. I tried to hide it and started my blocking and hiding my emotions. You see on July 23, 2013 we were given 1-4 months. On July 25, 2013 hospice came into our home to explain how they work. That was the hardest thing. To learn about what was going to happen, how a nurse would come once a week at first to check on dad. That there was a purple paper on the fridge that was my dad's DNR (Do not resuscitate) information just in case we had to call 911 for something. There was a locked medical container in our fridge and that when dad was in a lot of pain, we  had to call hospice and they had to give us permission to open it to give him stronger pain medication. Or the day that my dad told me to call my mom to tell her it was his time to come home and I just sat hold his hand and he asked me to come in close and he said I love you to me for the last time. Then he just went down hill. He had a hard time speaking and saying words fully. He would want to sit up but couldn't hold himself up, so we would have to help him stay up. I think that was the hardest thing, physically, mentally and spiritually. Seeing dad struggle was hard and I felt like crying but I couldn't in front of him. Then I couldn't go to my room, because my grandparents were in the room. And I was sharing a room with my mom for the moment. So I remember one time I just went to my backyard and just cried. I don't crying in front of people for an emotional situation because then people get the "I am so sorry" face. Which I admit, I do the same, but when you are receiving the face you just want it to be over. If that makes sense. I think that was when I started blocking my feelings.

This is the last picture of us with dad. We were at dinner for Austin's 18th birthday.

   I remember about a month or two after my dad passed away, my roommates and I were at our guy friends house and I remember my roommate Danielle looked at me and said "if you ever want someone to talk to." and I remember telling her, "I wouldn't want to burden you, because no one should know what I went through." Or something along those lines. Not going to lie, I wanted to more than anything talk to someone but at the same time I didn't want to. Then today in Relief Society today our stake relief society president said how important it is to share emotions and to not bottle it in. Now trust me I have heard that before, but it didn't really hit me hard until today and that moment with Danielle came in my head. Once again, I cannot change the past, but I can learn from the past.
  Close to a year after my dad passed away, my cousin committed suicide. And trust me I was sad for this, especially when I realized the last time I saw him was I pretty sure was Christmas. However, I didn't grieve like I did when my dad died. Now still I do not know exactly why. Maybe it was because I already gained a strong testimony to Heavenly Fathers plan for everyone and that I knew Dannie was now with my dad. Or maybe it was with my block. That I am still figuring out. It wasn't until my grandpa and uncle passing away last May when I really noticed it. Again, I was sad that they both passed away and that my cousins, aunts, and uncle were now like me, with a dad here on the earth. So I don't know if  its because I had a different relationship with the three verses my dad. I know this is my psychology coming out wanting to get to the bottom of every emotion and reaction.

 All 19 of us together under one roof only happened twice. This picture will always be treasured.

  Grief is a funny thing. Everyone goes through it differently. However, it does effect us in so many ways. We have to learn to live life without that person. We have to continue living for that person. Yes there are times we miss them. Like I really miss my cousin Dannie and his jokes. Or that my grandpa would cheat at cards and make up his own rules (okay almost all of us Andersons cheat at cards one way or the other), my uncle asking me what there was to do in Utah, and most of all I miss my dad and him trying to embarrass us but really we just thought it was funny.

My last picture with my Grandpa Anderson. I had this feeling I needed this picture. I am so grateful for following that feeling.

 This is the last time I hung out with my uncle. It was a beautiful day of fun with the Andersons.

  Opening up about things in the past are never easy. It is hard and some of the memories are not always pleasant. But to hold it in, that does not help anyone. I have slowly let some out here and there, but so much has been locked in. A lot is hidden in because I don't want it to come out. I don't want to show emotion because I don't want to feel that loss again. That moment of seeing someone in their final moments of their life. Just waiting for Heavenly Father to call them home. Or for someone to come into your life and see them leave it just as fast. No one wants that however, realizing it, you got to let people in and show emotion. Because again, you got to live your life in happiness and continue. Just because you have had this trial doesn't mean you can block emotions and your life away. You have to continue and live this life as much as possible, because one thing that I have learned from this, is that you never know how long you have on this earth. Open up, let people in, have fun, make memories, and remember the Heavenly Father has a plan for each and everyone of us.

Unblock Post 2: Upside Down Block.

    Okay so like I said in the first post I was blocked from progressing in my Aerial silks class. That was I think my first unblock once I realized my blocks. Again to give some background, I have been taking this class since April. In this class, we start out with some yoga to stretch and warm up our bodies. Then we go to climb the silks. Oh my. Never realized how much your body really has to do! I am still building up my strength for that. Then we go to ground tricks. To start this, you have to go upside down. So you split the silks and double wrap your arms, then you go upside down. Sounds easy enough right? Then once you are upside down, you do some fun tricks. However, you first need to go upside down.
   My teacher had told me to just grab the silks with my toes and then push against the silks to get me upside down. I understood. Then I would go to do it, my foot would touch the silk, and then I would end up my feet back on the ground. Why? I kept asking myself. Why can't I do this? I am right there, so close and yet, I don't have it. Have you ever felt like that with anything? The struggle of knowing that you do have it, but you actually don't. Its very depressing and sometimes discouraging. What do you do when you don't know what to do? Do you just give up? Or do you keep trying? I decided to keep trying. One day, the class was just me and one other person. So I was able to really talk to my teacher and try other things so my body knew I could do it.
   The next week my other college roommate, Amber came with Danielle to class. And we had to share a silk because class was packed. We get to the ground tricks part of class and BAM I DID IT! Oh my WHAT? What changed from the other weeks to that week? Honestly, I have no idea. We joked that it was Amber. And honestly maybe a part of it was. that feeling that my friend was also on the same level as me and it was comforting. Other part is that I just didn't even think of it. Did not think of what I needed to do, what I have done in the past or anything. I just cleared my head a did it. Finally! I crushed the block I had and man did it feel good! I have now been able to progress in my class and man has it been fun!
  How many times are we so close to doing something and then we don't see that we can do it, so we quit? Or that we are stuck in the plateau and not progressing? Its pretty discouraging. You think, why bother? Why do I even try when I get the same results every time? Well, lets stop those thoughts. We have got to keep going and trying! Sometimes, it just takes you to say, I do believe I can do it! If we had a graph of our progression in life, it would not be just going up. There would be ups, downs, and plateaus. That is how we are. We need to remember that during those plateaus, we just need to keep pushing through. You will get to that uphill slope in time, that I promise. And when you do, its such an amazing experience as you continue and see the more you can do and be grateful for continuing on through the plateaus of life.

Unblock: Post 1

  One of my old roommates, Danielle, had told me she had been taking an aerial silks class that I should take as well. I said okay and went to class that next week. Oh man how fun that class is and how hard it is! I have enjoyed learning and improving every week. So for the first couple of months, I was slacking at climbing and going upside down to do tricks. I was getting so frustrated, and at moments, so was my teacher. With going upside down, you need to hook your foot with the silk and it will help you up. I would get my foot past the silk, touch but couldn't hook. Why?! Flip, I still don't know the reason why. My teacher then was telling me I had a mental block. I was like I believe it, however I do not know why. I was stuck not understanding why I couldn't do it. My foot knew what to do, but my mind was saying, nope not going to happen. This got me thinking, I am blocked in so many other ways.

   When I tell people I got my degree in Psychology, most are like oh know I better watch out so you don't psycho analyze me. I laugh and tell them I don't. The truth is though, do psycho analyze myself WAY TOO MUCH. I think of my actions and why it is and the events that lead up to it. Anyways, I realized that I have blocked myself in so many ways. So I was thinking, when had these blocks started. The major ones I mean, in all reality, we all block in times of our lives. Honestly, I started my major blocks, when my dad died. I thought I was okay and everything, but I was thinking about it, I am not the same person as before he died. Yes, it was a major life change and sad time in my life, but there is so much I used to do, that I don't do now, and haven't grown as much. I also think a lot of it was about not wanting to grow up really. Growing up means its time to get serious with everything and hard decisions to come. Nobody really wants to do that right?

   There have been a lot of blocks I have noticed that I put up in the last couple years. I really want to explain each one in detail. So it will be a couple posts of blocks and how I noticed them and how I am working on conquering them. These post might be just for myself, or maybe the reason I feel that this is important to share is to help someone else. I guess we will see. Stay tuned.

People Around? Why?

  Have you ever flown on a plane, been at a store, or on a train wondering why we are all in this one space at this time? I have, probably way too many times to count. A couple months ago, I flew alone to Oklahoma for a cousins wedding. I couldn't go with my family due to work, so I flew in the day of the wedding and was suppose to leave the next day. As I sat in my plane with my headphones on, I looked around at my fellow passengers. I was on my second plane of the morning. We were flying from Phoenix to Oklahoma City. I sat there and wondered, "Why in the world are all these people flying to Oklahoma?" Then it got me thinking, well actually some are flying to Oklahoma City as their final destination, others have it as a lay over to their destination. However, for that two and half hours or so, we were all within the same walls. Some of us spoke to each others, others (like me) tried to catch up on their sleep they missed by getting to the airport by 4:50 am. Here was my question, why did Heavenly Father put us all together? What influences could we possibly have on each other for the mer 2 1/2 hours we would be in each others lives?
  In the LDS church, we are taught that Heavenly Father has a plan for each and everyone of us. Yes all 7 billion people in the world have a personal plan created by our Father for our own growth. Now don't go thinking well "why did he plan this hard life for me?" or "I doubt he planned this for me." You can insert whatever you want in the "this." However, think back at that situation, how did it change you? How did the influence of that situation help you to be who you are today? Maybe that situation happened so you could meet someone or to help someone else out. We are put into peoples lives for a reason. There is a reason that we sit by a certain person on a plane. Even if you don't speak a word, Maybe its the way you act, or just your presence. There is a reason. A reason to grow, learn, and teach. He didn't make this life easy for us and thats okay. We are meant to come to this Earth to grow. We cannot grow if everything is just handed to us and that there is no pain.
   When we left the presence of our Heavenly Father, we left what we knew. We came to this Earth starting from square one. He didn't leave us totally empty handed saying just good luck. He strategically put people in our lives to guide us in the path He has planned for us. He has given us the opportunties to learn from each other, even from those who have come before us. We just need to look for it. We have to have our eyes open.
    So here is my challenge to you. Next time you are in a crowded place, look around maybe try to find the reason behind why you are in the same area as the people around. Or maybe at your work, school, church, etc. Ask the question, what can I learn from the influences around me? Why? I definitely believe, if you open your eyes to see, you will learn something from the complete strangers that surround you. You never know, maybe they wont be strangers for long.

How Becoming an EFY Counselor Shaped My Life.

When seeing the new counselor recruitment video for EFY (that will be shown to the public soon), it got me thinking about my time as a counselor. I heard of becoming a counselor from my roommate, Ashley. I had never gone to EFY but I thought it would be fun. Did I know at the time that it would seriously be life changing and that this job would help me in so many ways, I cannot possibly name every single one of them.. Nope I did not. My first summer was fun. It was a little confusing to get the swing of things, however it was amazing. I only worked about three weeks my first summer. The memories of my first girls starving because I thought that we needed to go together to dinner. To working a stay at home session, where I even ran into my first seminary teacher who remembered me. I wanted to do it again. I got all excited about it all year.

My first group that started it all.

 My second group.

 We had a secret counselor thing this week, and this is how I reviled myself.

 My co's for my last week that summer.

When I got the email saying I was working that next summer, I was so excited and yet I was conflicted. In my personal life, that was when my dad was getting worse and now I know, it would be his last summer. I didn’t know what to do. After praying and praying and praying some more, I felt that I needed to go. It was five weeks in a row out of state, then one here in the state of Utah. Everytime I was about to bail, I kept getting the feeling that I needed to go. How could I leave with the chance of never seeing my dad again? How would I know he would be okay? Was I being selfish to wanting to have a good summer experience while at home life was crashing? So many questions went through my head. I had a meltdown the day I had to leave. I had an alone moment with my dad and I just lost it. He kept telling me he would be right here when I got back. (He was there when I came back. He even came to the airport to pick me up) And I knew I needed to go there was a reason I didn't know at that moment, but I knew I would find out. That day at the airport I looked around at my co-workers wondering if they could tell I was just bailing. Wondering what its going to be like to work with them this summer.  Slowly, I started becoming friends with them.Started creating lasting memories and lasting friendships. From walking around flagstaff, and trying to have panda express to the beach and freebirds/the habit. Those friends also helped me through one of the hardest trials that I have gone through so far in this lifetime. They helped by their example, them listening, and sharing their testimonies. And I can't thank them enough for that. And to this day we are still great friends no matter the distance.

This is Andres and we were so excited to see the ocean!

 Naps are essential for counselors no matter where or when. If you can get a nap... TAKE IT!

 Meet Bonnie. Probably one of the coolest people I know.

 We get to do some awesome things on the weekend. Like hang out with Starfish.

 Learned how to give a buzz cut!

Counselors get to go to the beach :) if you go to Santa Barbara.

 Our chill out spot.

  Not only was it the friends that I made that helped me, it was my wonderful kids. Every week I got to meet a new set of kids each week. As I got to get to know them and teach them, honestly they taught me more than they will ever really know. That summer, we talked a lot about the plan of salvation and about trials. Each week my personal testimony grew and with that, I was comforted for what was coming at the end of that summer. I know those kids that I met, were suppose to come into my life, at that time, for a reason. The Lord definitely knows who and what we need and when we need it. He knew what was going to happen the end of that summer, He knew what I needed that summer. He knew that my little brother Riley needed that alone time with my father. He knew that it would have been one of the hardest decisions of my life and I would choose it all over again. 

Some of my fun groups that summer!

  The next summer was just as amazing. So much memories and again the testimony builder that summer was. Watching kids that did not know each other, to becoming friends by the end of the week. Witnessing a boy decide that he is going to service a LDS mission and is now serving that mission. Seeing kids from the past year once again and seeing them continuing to grow. I had a girl who had also lost her father that year in my group. Honestly, that showed me how much our Father in Heaven really knows when we need each other. I got to talk with this girl and really talk with someone who also lost her father. Another tragedy happened in my family that summer, I got the call from my mom that my cousin had passed away. I was at a session in Provo and it was spiritual thursday. The kids I had that week said some amazing things that I needed to hear and be comforted. To top off they didn't even know about my phone call until the next day. I received a blessing that night from my co-counselor and one line from that blessing has stuck with me to this day, "Heavenly Father has given you these trials to help shape you into the woman that He needs you to be." I am reminded of that when hard times come.

We get to see temples on our way to adventure the new!

 Suspenders are in at EFY.

 Bubble bubble gum in a dish, how many pieces do you wish?

  The three summers of being an EFY counselor helped shape me into the woman I am today and continues to influence my life. I am so glad that my roommate Ashley talked to me about being a counselor. EFY has helped me in so many ways that I could not all list. I love the friendships I made, I love seeing my kids grow as I keep up with them through facebook, and I love the testimony I gained about the Gospel through my experiences at EFY. As you are thinking of what to do for the summer, and you need a job. Seriously, look into becoming an EFY counselor. You will not regret it. You get to travel, dance, teach, and meet some of the coolest people. Go to efy.byu.edu/counselor for more information. It will be one of the best decisions you will ever make.

Life-long friends!

 Sweet girls.

 Color pants friday is a must. ;)

Who Knew the Best Gift in Life Came With Four Legs and WHOLE LOT Of Fur.

  I did not do much this weekend. There was a moment on Saturday night that I want to share. So I put on a movie because I felt like I couldn't go to sleep so early on a saturday night. Then who better to watch with was my dog, Roki. She came up next to me on my bed, and just put her head on my chest and watched the movie with me. Honestly, its the best part of my night when she comes up and is ready to cuddle and go to bed. She just knows when I need her or need a distraction. She makes me laugh, and yes can drive me crazy sometimes but man do I love her.

  Roki is about a year and half old dog. She is an akita lab mix. So yes she is a big dog that sheds...   A LOT. But I wouldn't change anything. Now let me tell you a little back story about Roki. She was born in August of 2014. Her mom is my cousin M'Lee's dog. I didn't think of much when she had the puppies. We already at two dogs in the house and so honestly a puppy wasn't thought of. Well the first weekend of October my aunt Suzette was over (who is M'Lee's mom) and she was talking about the puppies. We learned something about the puppies that changed our thoughts and would change our lives. We learned the puppies were a mix of Lab and Akita. Now another back story, my dad, who passed away in August of 2013, wanted an Akita so badly but never got the chance to have one as a pet. Once we thought about it, we had to have one. We knew that if dad was alive we would have gotten a puppy no matter what. When we decide on wanting one, my aunt tells us that all the puppies are called for. What? Nooo! We were sad to hear this because now we were all puppy hungry. Luckily, a little while later, we find out that two people have backed out and we had a choice between a boy or a girl. We chose the girl. A week or so later, she became part of our family.

   Roki is a nickname for her actual name. Her real name is Rock Me Amadeus. Now laugh if you must but once again there is a reason. My father always joked about naming my youngest brother Rock Me Amadeus. Then it became a big joke and we know thats exactly what he would have named her if he was still here. So we do call her Roki (Rockie) and yes we had to spell it funky, because why not right?!

  Now you know how we got her. Now to explain how she changed me. First, I did not like our dogs too much. Whitney was a sweet dog, however she did not like a whole lot of new people, and so that got frustrating at times. Zoey can be a good dog at times, however she barks at everything which is frustrating as well. I loved them dont get me wrong, these little features just bugged me. Once Roki joined it changed. I saw more than just the annoying features and enjoyed having the dogs around. Second, I just felt bitter about almost everything. I honestly don't know what it was. I guess some of it could be that at the moment I didn't have a job, I was suppose to be able to get a job with my so called bachelors but nothing was coming. Then I was sad that I was done with school and actually had to join the real world. Then this little dog came into my life, and things changed. I just had a better feel of life. I can't really explain it. That moment I come home and see the excitement on her face that your back is the best thing. Third, she teaches me more things about one day being a mom. How consistency is important, how she isn't going to be exactly what I want at times, she needs consistent attention, and also she needs a consistent bedtime. Yes she needs to be in bed by a certain time or if not she is up for hours.

 The coolest part is that we have the one pup who looks and acts the most Akita out of all her siblings. Which I think is definitely not a coincidence. She has the cute ears, curled tail, and the mannerisms like acting like a cat, must have anything in her mouth at all times, and so loyal.

  I honestly know that Roki was meant to be my dog. And she has taught me so much in this year and a half that I can't possibly write all of it or explain all of it. Now you might think I am crazy for saying this about my dog. I would say maybe it was not a dog for you that changed you. It might be a child, or an experience that made you realize so much about life. For me it was my dog. I am excited what the next years will bring with her and more life lessons I will learn from her. Now for some it might be a dog, others another experience but whatever it may be I hope its helped you the way Roki has helped me.

Roki is by far one of the best gifts that has come into my life. We are both learning and growing together everyday. I owe so much to her and I get a lot more years to repay her. I thank my Heavenly Father for bring this blessing into my life. He knew what I needed and who I needed. He is pretty awesome like that.