Life Keeps Going...

   Its hard to realize that you have to continue in this life when you have to realize that one person will no longer be in it physically. But what is life if we do not keep going? What is it if we just stop because something happened? It isn't life. Its nothing. We must keep moving forward. Sometimes life just plain out sucks but guess what...It continues. We can't stay still, we can't always stay the same, or wish for the past to come back. With doing that we wish away the present and how it can help your future. Life needs to keep going, no matter how hard it is.
  It has been a little rough this school year. I never thought missing the first week of school would have been such a big deal, but I was totally wrong! Do not ever do that! You miss the understanding of projects that will be due during the semester, and you miss what the teacher expects from the class. Than you also miss out on the fun things that happen. But guess what. You live and learn. And well I guess I kind of had a good excuse for missing the first week.
  I was terrified to have life continue. Realizing all the things I still have to do, not just in life, but in the next year. As I got to Cedar, that fear slowly died and a lot of that has to do with my roommates. These girls are seriously AMAZING! They definitely know how to keep me on my toes and busy. Honestly, I do not know how I could have gotten through these months without them!

[For Halloween we were characters from Peter Pan :)]
  Speaking of which, I wanted a change. I wanted something different. The world is changing around me, some change I wish that didn't happen and some that I love, but any way you put it, change happens. I guess I wanted to do my own. So it was my hair that got the change. I chopped off a lot. It is definitely something completely different. I like it. Honestly, I think my long hair just kept reminding me of a couple months ago. What my dad saw. Now its time to change. I needed something new. It was like chopping off the horrible things that happened and saying its time for a fresh new start.

Before :)

After :)
  Change is a good thing. It is another thing about life. Sometimes it is the death of a parent, a change of a school, a change of heart, new people in your life, people leaving your life, or even down to a new hair cut. All of these are a part of life. We cannot choose all the changes that happen but no matter what they are going to happen. So embrace it. Embrace the time we have with whatever it is. We live in a world that continually changes and guess what, we change too.

Kill it, Beat it, Prevent it

  Cancer. That word is everywhere. On TV, Billboards, talked about in class, someone talks about it, someone you know has it, or shoot I even heard about it at a parade this morning. The word is seriously everywhere. And what is mostly said, is about the death of cancer. They talk about preventing it but the surviving numbers are hardly mentioned, mostly because it always depends on the patient and what the cancer does. I have even noticed this. I have talked about my dad's battle and how it ended through death. But what I don't talk about as much is my surviving mom. Yep that is right, my mom is a five year survivor of breast cancer.
  I still remember the day she came to me saying she found something. I was about to leave my room with my bag packed because we were going on a mother daughter trip to California for my best friend's graduation, and she told me that she found something and its not good. Than after the trip I remember her coming home baling her eyes out and I knew it.. She had breast cancer. I was 15, my brothers were 12 and 9. One thing about my mom was that she looked at us and knew she had to do everything to make sure she stayed on this Earth as long as possible. She went through a surgery to get the tumor out, Chemo, and Radiation. The Chemo and Radiation was to prevent the cancer to come again. Every treatment made her percentage go down. She is such an amazing example to me. She realized she had to do everything in her power and in the power of treatment to do everything possible to stay.
   People say how sad it is that both of my parents have had cancer. Yeah it sucked and still sucks. But because of it I experienced both sides, which is something a lot of people cannot say. I experienced one who survived and one who passed. Neither were any special than the other. It was up to the cancer. My moms didn't spread at all, and my dads sadly did.
   One thing about cancer is that most of it can be prevented. You hear it all the time on the TV and guess what, they are not wrong. So question how can we prevent it? First off, be healthy. Smoking can be the result of lung cancer, alcohol can be the result of liver cancer ( I think you get the picture). Second, you feel something.. GO TO THE DOCTOR! I do not care if it is the tiniest thing. It could be something or it could be nothing but how are you suppose to know? Third, do your annual check-ups. Physicals sound pointless for "healthy" people but its for everyone and you never know what the doctor may see or find that you didn't notice. Doing these are not going to fully prevent you from getting cancer but it can maybe change your outcome. This month is breast cancer awareness month. So woman get your mammograms. Do it. Yeah I hear they are not the funniest things in the world but guess what neither is cancer. Lets have more survivors. Sometimes the only way to win the battle is leaving this Earth but why not do everything possible to be able to say I am a survivor! I beat cancer in the butt or even better I have always been cancer free. Don't feed cancer by your decisions...kill it, beat it, prevent it.
  I have seen what cancer can do to people, and if I could have one wish it would be that no one would have to see what I saw. Trust me its not pretty no matter if they survive or not. Know about your family history, get check ups, if you question something ask. Please do not just brush it off. You never know what will come of it.

You did so much... You went through so much... You are loved so much...

 You were there to pick me up when I fell, or broke my arm.You were there to take me to my first father daughter dance. You bought me my first corsage. You even taught me how to slow dance. You went to all my church events even though you were not a member. You taught me how to play baseball. You taught me how to love football. You took me to my first cheer competition. You are the one who found a way for me to keep doing jujitsu. You are the one who taught me how to properly punch. You would take your time to help me with my fundraisers. You taught me to do whatever I want and to not listen to what other people say. You hardly missed any of my performances or games. You showed me how important it was to work for what you want. You taught me to do things for myself. You taught me I could make basically anything out of wood. You taught me how to tile. You taught me how there is always a way.You supported me in all my dreams. You knew I could do it even when I didn't. You always watched after me and protected me. You watched out for me and thought what would be best for me.

  You spent 21 years watching over, providing, taking care of, and loving us. This past summer we got to be in your shoes and took care of you. As we did that I starting thinking on how much I took for granted. You were always so willing to do anything and these past couple of months you just couldn't. The cancer took over. Even though you have taken care of me for 21 years, it was nice to repay it even if it wasn't even close to a year. That last week it was hard for me to understand how you couldn't do anything. You couldn't take your pills by yourself, you couldn't sit up by yourself, and you couldn't talk. I couldn't wrap my mind behind it because you have been so strong and so independent my whole life. Not letting anyone do anything for you. You were always there helping others. It was hard to realize that the cancer did get the win over you physically. You hid it so much for so long. Once you couldn't hide it anymore, you finally showed us how bad it was. Thank you for finally letting us repay you for all the times you helped and took care of us. On August 24, 2013 I awoke to auntie april and mom saying that you were gone. The cancer finally took the win. Heavenly Father took you home to heaven. He took you out of the pain the cancer put you in. He embarrassed you and told you the pain was over.

  You spent 46 years on this earth. 21 of those years was being a husband and a father. Now you still get to be there for us. Not really the way we want but you will be there. You will see Riley graduate, Austin and Riley go on their missions, all three of us get married, watch your grandchildren grow, and so much more. You can still warn us of what's on the road ahead. You can still watch over mom and comfort her. Its not the way I wanted or thought would happen but maybe if I remember that you are still watching over me it will get easier... I just miss you. One day I will see you again. Until then I will remember what I learned from you and remember that you are always with me. I love you daddy. Enjoy heaven and playing catch with Lucky.

Families are Forever <3

Either way its hard...

  Last week I had to take my dad in for a doctors appointment. As I sat there in the waiting room, a nurse finally comes to me and asks me if I want to go wait with my dad. I say yes. So I go into the room where my dad is and he asks me, "have you accepted it yet?" (for first time readers my dad is dying from cancer and does not have a lot of time left.) I was all, "No" lets be honest no one really fully accepts anything until the end. Its the last stage of the grieving process. Than he goes and asks me, "What is easier having someone just die out of no where or knowing that they are going to die." I looked at him and said, "I don't really know how about you haunt me later in life and I will tell you." Trying to make a joke out of this serious situation and more stuff was said that I actually saw my dad cry for the first time and he saw me cry for the first time over this situation. But his question really got me questioning.
  About two days later, my like 3rd cousins husband of 5 months past away in a boating accident at Lake Powell. As I thought about how what she has to go through and how one second her husband was there and than the next he was gone, I realized I knew what I would rather have. I would rather know it was coming. Does it still suck, yeah you bet it still sucks watching my once strong dad having to know be helped out of bed and helped in the bathroom. But I get to cherish each moment and get to say a little bit of a good-bye.
  Two days ago, it was around four o'clock and I was sitting on the couch next to my dad and it was time for his meds. He has now gotten to the point that he needs help knowing what pills to take when and such. He wakes up and says, "You need to call your mother now to tell her to get her [butt] home because its time." So I call my mom, than ask if he still wants his meds. He than tells me to lean close and kisses me on the cheek and says, "I love you." I than got really scared because he was serious about his time. I get a chair to sit next to him and to hold his hand. I than call the boys in to do the same. Honestly, it was the perfect moment especially when mom got home. And I kept thinking, maybe the movies do not lie about everything because this looks like a scene out of sappy sad romantic type movie. Well my dad not being anything like that he is still fighting to be on this earth for just a little while longer. His time is really close and has gone really down hill but I had and can still have my moments of peace with him. He can call his family and friends and say his good-byes which are hard to hear but he gets to say them.
  Either way it sucks, no matter what. But I have also thought of something else. As long as we cherish all the moments we have with everyone than it does not matter. No regrets will happen, no wishing I could have done this or that. Everyone leaves this Earth when and how Heavenly Father sees fit and what is in his plan.
  Here is a challenge that I have made on my facebook page so now I challenge it to you. Cherish your family. Mend the bonds that have been broken. Go call your family now. Just say I love you to them. Take that time to be with them and not with friends. Enjoy what time you have with them because you may get the chance like me to say your good-byes or they can walk out the door and be gone. Either way you can still have those memories and know that that person knows you love them.
  I know that if I have this last day with my dad or maybe a week that he loves me and I love him and that is all that is needed. :)

Daddy daughter love is like nothing that can be described.

My EFY adventure in a nutshell!

Man so much happened during my 5 week adventure of EFY so bullet points are the way to go:

• Made new friends within minutes and love them!
• We made up more than half of any ward we joined and it was always funny to see the members faces as we all walked in.
• Found out I went to Snow with a couple of my co-workers and I didn't even know it.
• Almighty Servers (1st week): 
• Scared my girls and it was hilarious
• I had two boys how kept saying that I didn't like them than at the end they came up to me and was all I guess you do like us. It was funny I guess if you were there.
• Won banner.
  

• Weekend:
• Ran back to grab a couch before anyone got there.
• Target adventure with Taylor, Andres, and Nicole! Walking in the rain, Five Guys, and the start of a great friendship!
• Buffalo Wild Wings and Man of Steel. Definitely an adventure of getting there! 
  
• Imparting Angels (2nd week):
• Teddy compliments were my favorite!
• 6 out of my 12 girls had to see the health counselor...yeah must be a record!
• Fun mid week trip to Target! We are never ever getting back together, frozen yogurt, and inside jokes!
  
• Travel weekend:
• No one likes to travel all day but make the most of it! 
• Nicole and I laughed the entire bus ride!
• 
  
• But we got to see the OCEAN!! 
  
  Nicole and I on the bus!
  
  Andres and I at the beach!
• F.W.S. (3rd week):
• First set of older kids!
• They got me ice cream or anything when I asked!
• Two boys made my co and I a picnic basket! haha talk about creative!
  
  
  
  
  The Picnic Basket!
• Weekend:
• Beach time!! :)
• Apparently Panda Express is not open on the weekends in the student center. :/
• No naps because Andres, Ross, Caitlin and I like to talk in the lobby!
• Andres and I almost got sprayed by a skunk and saw the one and only skunkoon!
  
  The girls at the beach!
• I am Strong (4th week):
• Won banner and cheer!
• My boys made a song that made my day!
• My kids made up a game called dinglehop! Best game!
  
• Weekend:
• Clouds does not stop us from going to the beach! We got to hold starfish and other cool sea creatures!
• Tried to eat at Panda again...Still closed!
• Beach talks are the best with Andres, Erica, Ross, Caitlin, and Jessica!
  
  Girl talk on the beach!
• Believe and Receive (5th week):
• First trio all summer!
• Won banner and the banner got tossed up to the front! Hilarious!
• I was sick at the beginning of the week and my kids were so concerned and kept asking how I was! Loved it!
  

Best 5 weeks of my summer by far! Honestly this is not even the half of the amazing things that happened! The kids were amazing and they are such amazing examples and helped me in more things than they could ever know! My friends I have made are seriously the best! I do not know how I could have done any of this without every single one of them! The Lord knew exactly who I needed and what I needed in my life! EFY is seriously the best job and I am so blessed to say its my job!

Dr. Pepper!

At the library!

Frozen Yogurt!

Flagstaff 1 [Almighty Servers]

  My first week back at EFY was of course LEGIT! Loved my kids so much! They were crazy but so much fun. It is definitely different here in Arizona. Something about it. I don't know but its cool. So walk in to meet your counselor and already love the girls! I could see how nervous they were but man within minutes they were talking to each other and opening up.
  Tuesday was probably the best. So first off, we had classes. And I went around with my different kids to the different classes. Well then after lunch I started talking to a group of my girls and asked if I could join them to class. They said yeah totally. So we went to a class together and found more of my kids which was great! Also, loved the teachers and classes. So then I lost the group when leaving the class to go to another class. So I decided I decided I would just find a class and hope some of my kids were there. Well I walked out of the building and up the stairs and one of my girls comes up to me and is all, "Amanda we waited for you." Oh man totally made my day. Than I was on free time duty, which is not always the best because sometimes you cannot be with your kids. But some of my kids saw me and came and chatted with me until dinner. Again, made my day.
   So Wednesday night was crazy. Games night, pizza night, and all is just nuts. But after was the best. I was knocking on all my girls doors to tell them they had like 10 minutes before reflect and review (aka devotional) so I decided to go really quietly to one of my girls doors and then just bang on it really loud! They screamed so loud I about died laughing! Apparently, they saw a spider in their room so they were already scared and I made it worse. It was really funny and I did it to them every night for the rest of the week and yet they would still get scared. I would try to scare other girls but it didn't work. Some it spooked them pretty good but not as much as the first girls.
  It was really cool to see the company come together by the end of the week. Its crazy how much you learn about a group in just one week. And also you see how much they grow in that one week. You see how EFY changed them. You see their testimonies grow and you see the light even bringer in their eyes.
  Before I left I struggled leaving my family. 5 weeks away is a long time and with everything going on its hard. I was really wondering if I did hear the spirit right. But I know that this is where I am needed. My girls last week needed me and needed them. They taught me so much. I am excited to see what is next! :)

You Never Know How Much He is Watching Over Us

  Home Sweet Home! It has never felt so amazing to be home. With everything that went down last month, all I wanted to was be home with my family. Well since I have been home so much has happened. But before I write about that I have to tell you the back story.
  Spring break I came home for half of the week and the other half I went to California with a group of friends. My brake rotors (I think) were warping or something. (I am not good with cars/car terms) So my brother took it into the auto shop at school to get it fixed. Come to find out my tie rod was cracking or something and so I was on a strict where I can drive and how much I could drive guidelines. Well to make the tie rod last longer they rotated my tires. So as time went on, I ended up having to come up one extra time because of my dad being in the hospital but I followed the rules, couldn't go faster than 75 miles per hour and couldn't take any St. George trips in my car. And if you have ever been in a car with me, going only 75 miles per hour can be really hard sometimes ;).
  I made it home safely on Thursday afternoon. Drove to the high school for alumni cheer practice, came home and all went well. So the next day, my dad and I went and picked up Riley from school and had to go to a couple of stores. Well on our way to our last store, Home Depot, and I hit my brakes and they do not sound normal at all. It was really strange and kind of scary. Once we got to Home Depot it got worse, almost sounding like my front driver tire was falling off. On our way back, it was so bad that my dad used the e-brake to brake. It was so nerve racking because I was the one driving and not being able to touch the brakes was so difficult. Putting my trust and faith into my dad was more difficult then I thought it would be.
  Since Austin wasn't coming home until late, dad didn't look at my car until morning. Saturday morning I found out that if I would have gone one more mile my tire would have come right off! Oh my, how in the world did I make it home? So what happened was that back in spring break when the boys rotated my tires, one did not put one of the bolts on tight enough. And according to my dad, the bolt fell off weeks ago. So I have been driving with one bolt gone all the way back. Coincidence that my tire didn't fall off yet? Yeah I think no.
  Heavenly Father was definitely watching over me and listening to my prayers. Every time I drove up or back I knew there was a possibility that my tie rod would brake off or something, so I kept praying that I could get home. I would have not been able to handle that on my own. I would not have thought about my e-brake. I would have probably been stuck in the middle of Utah with just cars passing by as my company. Yeah I would have not handled it so well. I am so grateful for my Heavenly Father watching over me and protecting me and getting me home safe and soundly. :)

My Poor Gump of a Car