Either way its hard...

  Last week I had to take my dad in for a doctors appointment. As I sat there in the waiting room, a nurse finally comes to me and asks me if I want to go wait with my dad. I say yes. So I go into the room where my dad is and he asks me, "have you accepted it yet?" (for first time readers my dad is dying from cancer and does not have a lot of time left.) I was all, "No" lets be honest no one really fully accepts anything until the end. Its the last stage of the grieving process. Than he goes and asks me, "What is easier having someone just die out of no where or knowing that they are going to die." I looked at him and said, "I don't really know how about you haunt me later in life and I will tell you." Trying to make a joke out of this serious situation and more stuff was said that I actually saw my dad cry for the first time and he saw me cry for the first time over this situation. But his question really got me questioning.
  About two days later, my like 3rd cousins husband of 5 months past away in a boating accident at Lake Powell. As I thought about how what she has to go through and how one second her husband was there and than the next he was gone, I realized I knew what I would rather have. I would rather know it was coming. Does it still suck, yeah you bet it still sucks watching my once strong dad having to know be helped out of bed and helped in the bathroom. But I get to cherish each moment and get to say a little bit of a good-bye.
  Two days ago, it was around four o'clock and I was sitting on the couch next to my dad and it was time for his meds. He has now gotten to the point that he needs help knowing what pills to take when and such. He wakes up and says, "You need to call your mother now to tell her to get her [butt] home because its time." So I call my mom, than ask if he still wants his meds. He than tells me to lean close and kisses me on the cheek and says, "I love you." I than got really scared because he was serious about his time. I get a chair to sit next to him and to hold his hand. I than call the boys in to do the same. Honestly, it was the perfect moment especially when mom got home. And I kept thinking, maybe the movies do not lie about everything because this looks like a scene out of sappy sad romantic type movie. Well my dad not being anything like that he is still fighting to be on this earth for just a little while longer. His time is really close and has gone really down hill but I had and can still have my moments of peace with him. He can call his family and friends and say his good-byes which are hard to hear but he gets to say them.
  Either way it sucks, no matter what. But I have also thought of something else. As long as we cherish all the moments we have with everyone than it does not matter. No regrets will happen, no wishing I could have done this or that. Everyone leaves this Earth when and how Heavenly Father sees fit and what is in his plan.
  Here is a challenge that I have made on my facebook page so now I challenge it to you. Cherish your family. Mend the bonds that have been broken. Go call your family now. Just say I love you to them. Take that time to be with them and not with friends. Enjoy what time you have with them because you may get the chance like me to say your good-byes or they can walk out the door and be gone. Either way you can still have those memories and know that that person knows you love them.
  I know that if I have this last day with my dad or maybe a week that he loves me and I love him and that is all that is needed. :)

Daddy daughter love is like nothing that can be described.