Cancer. That word is everywhere. On TV, Billboards, talked about in class, someone talks about it, someone you know has it, or shoot I even heard about it at a parade this morning. The word is seriously everywhere. And what is mostly said, is about the death of cancer. They talk about preventing it but the surviving numbers are hardly mentioned, mostly because it always depends on the patient and what the cancer does. I have even noticed this. I have talked about my dad's battle and how it ended through death. But what I don't talk about as much is my surviving mom. Yep that is right, my mom is a five year survivor of breast cancer.
I still remember the day she came to me saying she found something. I was about to leave my room with my bag packed because we were going on a mother daughter trip to California for my best friend's graduation, and she told me that she found something and its not good. Than after the trip I remember her coming home baling her eyes out and I knew it.. She had breast cancer. I was 15, my brothers were 12 and 9. One thing about my mom was that she looked at us and knew she had to do everything to make sure she stayed on this Earth as long as possible. She went through a surgery to get the tumor out, Chemo, and Radiation. The Chemo and Radiation was to prevent the cancer to come again. Every treatment made her percentage go down. She is such an amazing example to me. She realized she had to do everything in her power and in the power of treatment to do everything possible to stay.
People say how sad it is that both of my parents have had cancer. Yeah it sucked and still sucks. But because of it I experienced both sides, which is something a lot of people cannot say. I experienced one who survived and one who passed. Neither were any special than the other. It was up to the cancer. My moms didn't spread at all, and my dads sadly did.
One thing about cancer is that most of it can be prevented. You hear it all the time on the TV and guess what, they are not wrong. So question how can we prevent it? First off, be healthy. Smoking can be the result of lung cancer, alcohol can be the result of liver cancer ( I think you get the picture). Second, you feel something.. GO TO THE DOCTOR! I do not care if it is the tiniest thing. It could be something or it could be nothing but how are you suppose to know? Third, do your annual check-ups. Physicals sound pointless for "healthy" people but its for everyone and you never know what the doctor may see or find that you didn't notice. Doing these are not going to fully prevent you from getting cancer but it can maybe change your outcome. This month is breast cancer awareness month. So woman get your mammograms. Do it. Yeah I hear they are not the funniest things in the world but guess what neither is cancer. Lets have more survivors. Sometimes the only way to win the battle is leaving this Earth but why not do everything possible to be able to say I am a survivor! I beat cancer in the butt or even better I have always been cancer free. Don't feed cancer by your decisions...kill it, beat it, prevent it.
I have seen what cancer can do to people, and if I could have one wish it would be that no one would have to see what I saw. Trust me its not pretty no matter if they survive or not. Know about your family history, get check ups, if you question something ask. Please do not just brush it off. You never know what will come of it.
Saturday, October 12, 2013
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
You did so much... You went through so much... You are loved so much...
You spent 21 years watching over, providing, taking care of, and loving us. This past summer we got to be in your shoes and took care of you. As we did that I starting thinking on how much I took for granted. You were always so willing to do anything and these past couple of months you just couldn't. The cancer took over. Even though you have taken care of me for 21 years, it was nice to repay it even if it wasn't even close to a year. That last week it was hard for me to understand how you couldn't do anything. You couldn't take your pills by yourself, you couldn't sit up by yourself, and you couldn't talk. I couldn't wrap my mind behind it because you have been so strong and so independent my whole life. Not letting anyone do anything for you. You were always there helping others. It was hard to realize that the cancer did get the win over you physically. You hid it so much for so long. Once you couldn't hide it anymore, you finally showed us how bad it was. Thank you for finally letting us repay you for all the times you helped and took care of us. On August 24, 2013 I awoke to auntie april and mom saying that you were gone. The cancer finally took the win. Heavenly Father took you home to heaven. He took you out of the pain the cancer put you in. He embarrassed you and told you the pain was over.
You spent 46 years on this earth. 21 of those years was being a husband and a father. Now you still get to be there for us. Not really the way we want but you will be there. You will see Riley graduate, Austin and Riley go on their missions, all three of us get married, watch your grandchildren grow, and so much more. You can still warn us of what's on the road ahead. You can still watch over mom and comfort her. Its not the way I wanted or thought would happen but maybe if I remember that you are still watching over me it will get easier... I just miss you. One day I will see you again. Until then I will remember what I learned from you and remember that you are always with me. I love you daddy. Enjoy heaven and playing catch with Lucky.
Families are Forever <3
Friday, August 16, 2013
Either way its hard...
Last week I had to take my dad in for a doctors appointment. As I sat there in the waiting room, a nurse finally comes to me and asks me if I want to go wait with my dad. I say yes. So I go into the room where my dad is and he asks me, "have you accepted it yet?" (for first time readers my dad is dying from cancer and does not have a lot of time left.) I was all, "No" lets be honest no one really fully accepts anything until the end. Its the last stage of the grieving process. Than he goes and asks me, "What is easier having someone just die out of no where or knowing that they are going to die." I looked at him and said, "I don't really know how about you haunt me later in life and I will tell you." Trying to make a joke out of this serious situation and more stuff was said that I actually saw my dad cry for the first time and he saw me cry for the first time over this situation. But his question really got me questioning.
About two days later, my like 3rd cousins husband of 5 months past away in a boating accident at Lake Powell. As I thought about how what she has to go through and how one second her husband was there and than the next he was gone, I realized I knew what I would rather have. I would rather know it was coming. Does it still suck, yeah you bet it still sucks watching my once strong dad having to know be helped out of bed and helped in the bathroom. But I get to cherish each moment and get to say a little bit of a good-bye.
Two days ago, it was around four o'clock and I was sitting on the couch next to my dad and it was time for his meds. He has now gotten to the point that he needs help knowing what pills to take when and such. He wakes up and says, "You need to call your mother now to tell her to get her [butt] home because its time." So I call my mom, than ask if he still wants his meds. He than tells me to lean close and kisses me on the cheek and says, "I love you." I than got really scared because he was serious about his time. I get a chair to sit next to him and to hold his hand. I than call the boys in to do the same. Honestly, it was the perfect moment especially when mom got home. And I kept thinking, maybe the movies do not lie about everything because this looks like a scene out of sappy sad romantic type movie. Well my dad not being anything like that he is still fighting to be on this earth for just a little while longer. His time is really close and has gone really down hill but I had and can still have my moments of peace with him. He can call his family and friends and say his good-byes which are hard to hear but he gets to say them.
Either way it sucks, no matter what. But I have also thought of something else. As long as we cherish all the moments we have with everyone than it does not matter. No regrets will happen, no wishing I could have done this or that. Everyone leaves this Earth when and how Heavenly Father sees fit and what is in his plan.
Here is a challenge that I have made on my facebook page so now I challenge it to you. Cherish your family. Mend the bonds that have been broken. Go call your family now. Just say I love you to them. Take that time to be with them and not with friends. Enjoy what time you have with them because you may get the chance like me to say your good-byes or they can walk out the door and be gone. Either way you can still have those memories and know that that person knows you love them.
I know that if I have this last day with my dad or maybe a week that he loves me and I love him and that is all that is needed. :)
About two days later, my like 3rd cousins husband of 5 months past away in a boating accident at Lake Powell. As I thought about how what she has to go through and how one second her husband was there and than the next he was gone, I realized I knew what I would rather have. I would rather know it was coming. Does it still suck, yeah you bet it still sucks watching my once strong dad having to know be helped out of bed and helped in the bathroom. But I get to cherish each moment and get to say a little bit of a good-bye.
Two days ago, it was around four o'clock and I was sitting on the couch next to my dad and it was time for his meds. He has now gotten to the point that he needs help knowing what pills to take when and such. He wakes up and says, "You need to call your mother now to tell her to get her [butt] home because its time." So I call my mom, than ask if he still wants his meds. He than tells me to lean close and kisses me on the cheek and says, "I love you." I than got really scared because he was serious about his time. I get a chair to sit next to him and to hold his hand. I than call the boys in to do the same. Honestly, it was the perfect moment especially when mom got home. And I kept thinking, maybe the movies do not lie about everything because this looks like a scene out of sappy sad romantic type movie. Well my dad not being anything like that he is still fighting to be on this earth for just a little while longer. His time is really close and has gone really down hill but I had and can still have my moments of peace with him. He can call his family and friends and say his good-byes which are hard to hear but he gets to say them.
Either way it sucks, no matter what. But I have also thought of something else. As long as we cherish all the moments we have with everyone than it does not matter. No regrets will happen, no wishing I could have done this or that. Everyone leaves this Earth when and how Heavenly Father sees fit and what is in his plan.
Here is a challenge that I have made on my facebook page so now I challenge it to you. Cherish your family. Mend the bonds that have been broken. Go call your family now. Just say I love you to them. Take that time to be with them and not with friends. Enjoy what time you have with them because you may get the chance like me to say your good-byes or they can walk out the door and be gone. Either way you can still have those memories and know that that person knows you love them.
I know that if I have this last day with my dad or maybe a week that he loves me and I love him and that is all that is needed. :)
Daddy daughter love is like nothing that can be described.
Monday, July 22, 2013
My EFY adventure in a nutshell!
Man so much happened during my 5 week adventure of EFY so bullet points are the way to go:
- Made new friends within minutes and love them!
- We made up more than half of any ward we joined and it was always funny to see the members faces as we all walked in.
- Found out I went to Snow with a couple of my co-workers and I didn't even know it.
- Almighty Servers (1st week):
- Scared my girls and it was hilarious
- I had two boys how kept saying that I didn't like them than at the end they came up to me and was all I guess you do like us. It was funny I guess if you were there.
- Won banner.
- Weekend:
- Ran back to grab a couch before anyone got there.
- Target adventure with Taylor, Andres, and Nicole! Walking in the rain, Five Guys, and the start of a great friendship!
- Buffalo Wild Wings and Man of Steel. Definitely an adventure of getting there!
- Imparting Angels (2nd week):
- Teddy compliments were my favorite!
- 6 out of my 12 girls had to see the health counselor...yeah must be a record!
- Fun mid week trip to Target! We are never ever getting back together, frozen yogurt, and inside jokes!
- Travel weekend:
- No one likes to travel all day but make the most of it!
- Nicole and I laughed the entire bus ride!
- But we got to see the OCEAN!!
Nicole and I on the bus!
Andres and I at the beach! - F.W.S. (3rd week):
- First set of older kids!
- They got me ice cream or anything when I asked!
- Two boys made my co and I a picnic basket! haha talk about creative!
The Picnic Basket! - Weekend:
- Beach time!! :)
- Apparently Panda Express is not open on the weekends in the student center. :/
- No naps because Andres, Ross, Caitlin and I like to talk in the lobby!
- Andres and I almost got sprayed by a skunk and saw the one and only skunkoon!
The girls at the beach! - I am Strong (4th week):
- Won banner and cheer!
- My boys made a song that made my day!
- My kids made up a game called dinglehop! Best game!
- Weekend:
- Clouds does not stop us from going to the beach! We got to hold starfish and other cool sea creatures!
- Tried to eat at Panda again...Still closed!
- Beach talks are the best with Andres, Erica, Ross, Caitlin, and Jessica!
Girl talk on the beach! - Believe and Receive (5th week):
- First trio all summer!
- Won banner and the banner got tossed up to the front! Hilarious!
- I was sick at the beginning of the week and my kids were so concerned and kept asking how I was! Loved it!
Dr. Pepper!
At the library!
Frozen Yogurt!
Monday, June 17, 2013
Flagstaff 1 [Almighty Servers]
My first week back at EFY was of course LEGIT! Loved my kids so much! They were crazy but so much fun. It is definitely different here in Arizona. Something about it. I don't know but its cool. So walk in to meet your counselor and already love the girls! I could see how nervous they were but man within minutes they were talking to each other and opening up.
Tuesday was probably the best. So first off, we had classes. And I went around with my different kids to the different classes. Well then after lunch I started talking to a group of my girls and asked if I could join them to class. They said yeah totally. So we went to a class together and found more of my kids which was great! Also, loved the teachers and classes. So then I lost the group when leaving the class to go to another class. So I decided I decided I would just find a class and hope some of my kids were there. Well I walked out of the building and up the stairs and one of my girls comes up to me and is all, "Amanda we waited for you." Oh man totally made my day. Than I was on free time duty, which is not always the best because sometimes you cannot be with your kids. But some of my kids saw me and came and chatted with me until dinner. Again, made my day.
So Wednesday night was crazy. Games night, pizza night, and all is just nuts. But after was the best. I was knocking on all my girls doors to tell them they had like 10 minutes before reflect and review (aka devotional) so I decided to go really quietly to one of my girls doors and then just bang on it really loud! They screamed so loud I about died laughing! Apparently, they saw a spider in their room so they were already scared and I made it worse. It was really funny and I did it to them every night for the rest of the week and yet they would still get scared. I would try to scare other girls but it didn't work. Some it spooked them pretty good but not as much as the first girls.
It was really cool to see the company come together by the end of the week. Its crazy how much you learn about a group in just one week. And also you see how much they grow in that one week. You see how EFY changed them. You see their testimonies grow and you see the light even bringer in their eyes.
Before I left I struggled leaving my family. 5 weeks away is a long time and with everything going on its hard. I was really wondering if I did hear the spirit right. But I know that this is where I am needed. My girls last week needed me and needed them. They taught me so much. I am excited to see what is next! :)
Tuesday was probably the best. So first off, we had classes. And I went around with my different kids to the different classes. Well then after lunch I started talking to a group of my girls and asked if I could join them to class. They said yeah totally. So we went to a class together and found more of my kids which was great! Also, loved the teachers and classes. So then I lost the group when leaving the class to go to another class. So I decided I decided I would just find a class and hope some of my kids were there. Well I walked out of the building and up the stairs and one of my girls comes up to me and is all, "Amanda we waited for you." Oh man totally made my day. Than I was on free time duty, which is not always the best because sometimes you cannot be with your kids. But some of my kids saw me and came and chatted with me until dinner. Again, made my day.
So Wednesday night was crazy. Games night, pizza night, and all is just nuts. But after was the best. I was knocking on all my girls doors to tell them they had like 10 minutes before reflect and review (aka devotional) so I decided to go really quietly to one of my girls doors and then just bang on it really loud! They screamed so loud I about died laughing! Apparently, they saw a spider in their room so they were already scared and I made it worse. It was really funny and I did it to them every night for the rest of the week and yet they would still get scared. I would try to scare other girls but it didn't work. Some it spooked them pretty good but not as much as the first girls.
It was really cool to see the company come together by the end of the week. Its crazy how much you learn about a group in just one week. And also you see how much they grow in that one week. You see how EFY changed them. You see their testimonies grow and you see the light even bringer in their eyes.
Before I left I struggled leaving my family. 5 weeks away is a long time and with everything going on its hard. I was really wondering if I did hear the spirit right. But I know that this is where I am needed. My girls last week needed me and needed them. They taught me so much. I am excited to see what is next! :)
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
You Never Know How Much He is Watching Over Us
Home Sweet Home! It has never felt so amazing to be home. With everything that went down last month, all I wanted to was be home with my family. Well since I have been home so much has happened. But before I write about that I have to tell you the back story.
Spring break I came home for half of the week and the other half I went to California with a group of friends. My brake rotors (I think) were warping or something. (I am not good with cars/car terms) So my brother took it into the auto shop at school to get it fixed. Come to find out my tie rod was cracking or something and so I was on a strict where I can drive and how much I could drive guidelines. Well to make the tie rod last longer they rotated my tires. So as time went on, I ended up having to come up one extra time because of my dad being in the hospital but I followed the rules, couldn't go faster than 75 miles per hour and couldn't take any St. George trips in my car. And if you have ever been in a car with me, going only 75 miles per hour can be really hard sometimes ;).
I made it home safely on Thursday afternoon. Drove to the high school for alumni cheer practice, came home and all went well. So the next day, my dad and I went and picked up Riley from school and had to go to a couple of stores. Well on our way to our last store, Home Depot, and I hit my brakes and they do not sound normal at all. It was really strange and kind of scary. Once we got to Home Depot it got worse, almost sounding like my front driver tire was falling off. On our way back, it was so bad that my dad used the e-brake to brake. It was so nerve racking because I was the one driving and not being able to touch the brakes was so difficult. Putting my trust and faith into my dad was more difficult then I thought it would be.
Since Austin wasn't coming home until late, dad didn't look at my car until morning. Saturday morning I found out that if I would have gone one more mile my tire would have come right off! Oh my, how in the world did I make it home? So what happened was that back in spring break when the boys rotated my tires, one did not put one of the bolts on tight enough. And according to my dad, the bolt fell off weeks ago. So I have been driving with one bolt gone all the way back. Coincidence that my tire didn't fall off yet? Yeah I think no.
Heavenly Father was definitely watching over me and listening to my prayers. Every time I drove up or back I knew there was a possibility that my tie rod would brake off or something, so I kept praying that I could get home. I would have not been able to handle that on my own. I would not have thought about my e-brake. I would have probably been stuck in the middle of Utah with just cars passing by as my company. Yeah I would have not handled it so well. I am so grateful for my Heavenly Father watching over me and protecting me and getting me home safe and soundly. :)
Spring break I came home for half of the week and the other half I went to California with a group of friends. My brake rotors (I think) were warping or something. (I am not good with cars/car terms) So my brother took it into the auto shop at school to get it fixed. Come to find out my tie rod was cracking or something and so I was on a strict where I can drive and how much I could drive guidelines. Well to make the tie rod last longer they rotated my tires. So as time went on, I ended up having to come up one extra time because of my dad being in the hospital but I followed the rules, couldn't go faster than 75 miles per hour and couldn't take any St. George trips in my car. And if you have ever been in a car with me, going only 75 miles per hour can be really hard sometimes ;).
I made it home safely on Thursday afternoon. Drove to the high school for alumni cheer practice, came home and all went well. So the next day, my dad and I went and picked up Riley from school and had to go to a couple of stores. Well on our way to our last store, Home Depot, and I hit my brakes and they do not sound normal at all. It was really strange and kind of scary. Once we got to Home Depot it got worse, almost sounding like my front driver tire was falling off. On our way back, it was so bad that my dad used the e-brake to brake. It was so nerve racking because I was the one driving and not being able to touch the brakes was so difficult. Putting my trust and faith into my dad was more difficult then I thought it would be.
Since Austin wasn't coming home until late, dad didn't look at my car until morning. Saturday morning I found out that if I would have gone one more mile my tire would have come right off! Oh my, how in the world did I make it home? So what happened was that back in spring break when the boys rotated my tires, one did not put one of the bolts on tight enough. And according to my dad, the bolt fell off weeks ago. So I have been driving with one bolt gone all the way back. Coincidence that my tire didn't fall off yet? Yeah I think no.
Heavenly Father was definitely watching over me and listening to my prayers. Every time I drove up or back I knew there was a possibility that my tie rod would brake off or something, so I kept praying that I could get home. I would have not been able to handle that on my own. I would not have thought about my e-brake. I would have probably been stuck in the middle of Utah with just cars passing by as my company. Yeah I would have not handled it so well. I am so grateful for my Heavenly Father watching over me and protecting me and getting me home safe and soundly. :)
My Poor Gump of a Car
Friday, April 19, 2013
Its Been Too Long
Sorry I haven't written in a long time. Life gets crazy sometimes and things are forgotten and I am sorry to say that this blog was one of them. But that's about to change :) A lot has happened since February when I last wrote but I want to focus on something else besides my life because first this thought has been in my mind recently and second my life is not that exciting besides more bad news and I am not in a sad hate the world type of mood so lets talk about something else shall we.
So I have been thinking a lot about judging people and what people do with their lives. First, I am a psychology major and I was in one of my classes and a professor was saying about why is it our job or view if a person is diagnosed with a disorder. Maybe we are the abnormal ones and they are the normal ones. Has anyone really thought about that? Or that maybe there really is another voice in all of our heads and what if its just more quite than others? What makes us be the ones who get to judge if someone hears or sees the world differently? Just because they are not like the "most" of us, do we really have to write them off with a disorder and stamp them to be judged for the rest of their lives?
Second, why do we judge people when they do not live the way we do? Yes everyone grows up with this idea of how life should be lived. In the LDS church, we are told that life is a big test. We get trials and we will be blessed because of them and that we shouldn't do anything that will harm our body and our spirit. We are also told to love everyone and to not judge but yet there are people in the church that will judge you if you slip just once or are not "perfect" or think they are getting judged by you because you follow the rules. Anyway you put it why do we still judge? In other religions, they are told that it does not matter what you make of this life because you are either saved or not and there is nothing you can do about it and yet they judge other people as much as the next. Why is that?
Everyone hates being judged for how they live their lives yet they will turn around and judge the next person who is not in their "paradigm of life." Those people are called hypocrites everyone. And in one point of everyone's lives we have all fallen into that category. You can pretend you haven't but you know what I know I have been guilty of this and you know that you have too. That's the thing, if we hate being judged so badly why do we judge others? No one is perfect and no one is the same. I live my life differently than the person next to me so what makes me have the right to say he/she isn't doing the right thing or is not living life right? I have no right...No one on this Earth does.
So challenge everyone, next time you start to think about judging a person, be littling them because they are not living life the way you "feel" they should live and look yourself in a mirror because I bet anything you are not perfect either and you should just smile at that person and be there for them. It doesn't matter what they are doing, they need a friend or a family member to just be there for them. They do not need a judge. We all have different paradigms of life and just because someone doesn't fit into yours doesn't mean to judge them but to just accept them for who they are and not force them into your paradigm. Lets try it. You might be surprised the type of people you meet or even better under the people you already know. :)
So I have been thinking a lot about judging people and what people do with their lives. First, I am a psychology major and I was in one of my classes and a professor was saying about why is it our job or view if a person is diagnosed with a disorder. Maybe we are the abnormal ones and they are the normal ones. Has anyone really thought about that? Or that maybe there really is another voice in all of our heads and what if its just more quite than others? What makes us be the ones who get to judge if someone hears or sees the world differently? Just because they are not like the "most" of us, do we really have to write them off with a disorder and stamp them to be judged for the rest of their lives?
Second, why do we judge people when they do not live the way we do? Yes everyone grows up with this idea of how life should be lived. In the LDS church, we are told that life is a big test. We get trials and we will be blessed because of them and that we shouldn't do anything that will harm our body and our spirit. We are also told to love everyone and to not judge but yet there are people in the church that will judge you if you slip just once or are not "perfect" or think they are getting judged by you because you follow the rules. Anyway you put it why do we still judge? In other religions, they are told that it does not matter what you make of this life because you are either saved or not and there is nothing you can do about it and yet they judge other people as much as the next. Why is that?
Everyone hates being judged for how they live their lives yet they will turn around and judge the next person who is not in their "paradigm of life." Those people are called hypocrites everyone. And in one point of everyone's lives we have all fallen into that category. You can pretend you haven't but you know what I know I have been guilty of this and you know that you have too. That's the thing, if we hate being judged so badly why do we judge others? No one is perfect and no one is the same. I live my life differently than the person next to me so what makes me have the right to say he/she isn't doing the right thing or is not living life right? I have no right...No one on this Earth does.
So challenge everyone, next time you start to think about judging a person, be littling them because they are not living life the way you "feel" they should live and look yourself in a mirror because I bet anything you are not perfect either and you should just smile at that person and be there for them. It doesn't matter what they are doing, they need a friend or a family member to just be there for them. They do not need a judge. We all have different paradigms of life and just because someone doesn't fit into yours doesn't mean to judge them but to just accept them for who they are and not force them into your paradigm. Lets try it. You might be surprised the type of people you meet or even better under the people you already know. :)
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